EGYPT-THE REALITY ( By Isis)

THE CRAVING

2011-12-10T16:09:00.002+02:00

It is every recovering heroin addict's nightmare, dream, and reality combined. I've been clean for at least 4 years now since my last and most horrible relapse, but never have I had a stronger heroin craving in my life... not even when I first quit...

For a about two weeks now, flashbacks, dreams, even a little hallucination where I see a combination of images and memories of things that happened, and things that didn't. I see blood filled syringes, I see people from the past, some of them dead and others alive.

I only wonder about my old friends when I try to preemptively block them on social networks before they find me. I never miss them that's for sure. I saw my ex boyfriend's profile on facebook. I thought I blocked him, but apparently he has another profile. It turns out he married a Russian broad and had the ugliest baby of all time. It's like he cloned himself.... poor bastard, thank God I ain't your mama.

This specific person is where it all began in my life. The one who first introduced me to Heroin... The one person who caused me the most damage. He abused me verbally and attempted to physically on several occasions, exploited everything he could about me, manipulated me and lied to me while I only loved, or thought I loved him - later of course I realized it wasn't love, it was just masochism. I was 17 when we met.

I'm not his victim I'm a victim of my own sickness and that is what made me continue the relationship. I was doing all sorts of drugs before I met him - but he's the one who gave me Heroin. Would I have tried heroin if it wasn't for him? probably... My point is he is not the disease, the disease was there from the beginning.

Anyways I don't wanna talk about him - he got what he deserves - Hepatitis C. Needless to say I got tested for all blood diseases and am Negative, so don't worry about me. The reason I'm bringing all this up is to say that he no longer has any influence on my behavior. After I dumped him, which was much easier than I thought it would be, I lived under his influence for years, through my treatment and afterwards, I wanted revenge but I wasn't sure exactly from who or from what, I just wanted revenge. I wanted somebody to pay... and thus kept fucking up my life in his honor.

As for now I can proudly say not only have I attained closure, but I also have independence from the past. Except for the cravings...

I rarely had any cravings this past year, but recently the heroin issue kept popping up around me.

For example one of my best friends, and against a whole lot of begging I did, went and hooked up with an ex addict she met on a work trip. I begged her not to go through with it, and she didn't listen, she claims he's been clean for years, but I still begged her to dump him because he's an ex heroin addict... ironic right? I'm not worried about her using, I just worry about her being an addict's girlfriend or worse - wife! and having to go through all the pain.

At the end I told her that I will have to keep a distance between us because of this issue, I told her I can't be friends with him, and she understood. Recently she discovered I was right. I hate it when I'm right in this sort of situation. How can I stop my best friend from pouring her heart out to me on the phone? The hours of conversations we had about this reactivated some areas of my brain that aren't supposed to be active.

Another trigger was when I was driving my car and by coincidence I saw a guy in his 30's doing a line in a red Smart Car that was parked on the side. I didn't even mean to look, I was just glancing to the right and I saw him by mistake, I wasn't even trying to see, it was obvious. He wasn't even trying to hide. If I had the choice I wouldn't look, but I did and I saw and I got pissed as hell.

Another more general trigger is 'baltageya' - the thugs. Never before were 'thugs' or 'baltageya' as politically active as they are today. They are everywhere and all of them are on Tramadol - the opiate based prescription drug that most of them abuse.

So what do you do if you are a an ex addict who is having a strong craving?

YOU:

1) let it out, talk about it, write about it, talk to someone close, talk to your doctor, just talk talk talk... never hold it in, letting it out is important because if you don't it will snowball into a relapse sooner or later.

2) TAKE YOUR OPIATE BLOCKER! I used to take my opiate blocker - (AKA - Naltrexone, Revia, Deltrexone, Anarcol) everyday for several years, but now I don't anymore because the need has decreased. Yesterday I decided to take a pill. It is supposed to close opiate receptors in the brain and minimize cravings. It is not the most enjoyable pill, but it is the price we former junkies pay to stay clean.

3) Tighten your safety net. Reactivate your support network by telling your family members about your craving, have loved ones keep an eye on you, give up some of your privileges for a few days, have someone drive you to work, no need to go out a lot, leave your phone with your mom. If you live alone and have no family, drop by an AA or an NA meeting, speak to a therapist, preferably your addiction therapist of course. Jump start and relive your treatment process.

If I were diabetic, I'd take insulin.

My sickness is addiction.

What's yours?

REVOLUTION IN DANGER

2011-02-26T11:05:00.003+02:00

In my last post I had lost hope. But now it is regained. But hope is in danger.

We must not get into any type of congestion with the army. The military police are bitches of the old regime we all know that and they don't mind trying to instate anger at the army.

As for Shafik, he really needs to go. It's not personal with him. It wasn't even personal with Hosny Mubarak. It's about justice. Shafik was appointed by an overthrown president who is no more legitimate. Mubarak should not be immune from being tried for corruption and all types of crimes against humanity.

We want a new constitution! We want a presidential committee! We want Shafik to go! We want a government of nonpartisan experts! We want a transitional period!

More about my account of the revolution later.

THE FUTURE OF EGYPT

2010-12-15T17:37:00.004+02:00

Well This blog and this blogger are abstaining from blogging... Why? cuz it's not making a difference. You see, the future of Egypt is already decided by those who can enforce their vision on us, being the Egyptian people, regime, or government.

What we are going to see here is a struggle over power between America's favorite choice of president - Gamal Mubarak - and the Egyptian military's choice. Be it Omar Suleiman or even Chief of Staff Samy Anan - the Egyptian military's choice has one and only one condition - The president being a military man.

To be more exact - ie: cut the bullshit - there's nothing we civilians can do. This country is run by a mob and Hosny Mubarak is at it's top. When he dies the mob will scatter with every member wanting to jump on the vacuum created by his death.

Then we will see the ruling mercantilist 'business' elites backing Gamal with their money, and the the Egyptian armed forced backing their man with their tanks... We'll be completely left out. The people are originally what all this is supposed to be about. But unfortunately it's not. It's about what's best for Israel. Mel Akher.

There will be no place in this fight for us. And there will be damage. Lot's and lot's of damage. Much will be destroyed and there will be a long silent moment of truth. But unfortunately and I say this with tears, then and only then will Egyptians wake up. Only then will we be able to truly build.

But now it's all effort in the toilet.

I have never been disappointed in a politician like I am in Barack Obama. And that is not because he's a bad man - but he raised our hopes too high for our own good. Why would you do that to the entire world?? We understand you have to woo Americans so you can win the elections - but why promise of World Peace and respect for Human Rights if you'll back down?

Wikileaks is the biggest international event splitting history into 'before' & 'after' since September 11th. (Julien Assange is the hero de jour)

Anyways - This brings me to my next point. The elections. We did not have real elections - like we never do - no surprise there. The Muslim Brothers didn't get one parliamentary seat - again we all knew that would happen - Al Gama3a wasn't aired in Ramadan for no reason you know! But what worries me like hell, ladies & gentlemen is that there's no opposition in parliament. It is unconstitutional, illegitimate, and tailored to tightly fit no other than Gamal Mubarak.

The opposition, the Wafd, Muslim Brotherhood, and all those little fragmented groups including the Baradei Club - is just as scared of Mubarak dying as the NDP and the military. And they are too chicken to take responsibility for anything because they don't wanna be blamed if this country goes to hell. So they will keep barking from the top of a secluded tower and will do nothing more. I hope they do - but I know they won't.

As for the future I guess the presidential elections will be worse than the parliamentary ones. Hosny Mubarak will win, but he won't resign because of health issues and old age and help Gamal to the chair like was predicted because the military won't let him. Hosny Mubarak will die in office.

And until that happens we are in a state of political constipation. Nothing we say or do will change the direction with which we are heading towards. With a momentum of more than 50 years and 80 million people, it's too late to turn the wheel now. What we can do is hold on tight until we crash. Afterwards we can fix all the damage, but until then, the forces around us make us paralyzed.

I know I haven't been blogging much, but I don't want to anymore. I am not spending any of my precious time and effort so I can end up where I started. I will resume blogging when this cycle is broken once and for all. I am completely abstaining from writing until the day the Sun dawns again on Egypt, until the day Hosny Mubarak meets his creator. And who knows when that is? He outlived many.

See you then!

YOU'RE DEAD ANYWAY - هاتموت هاتموت

2010-06-26T21:35:00.004+03:00

So what do we learn from that whole Khalid Said thing? I believe that this story sets an example and in order for us to avoid similar fates we must all:

1. Stay cupped away at home, off the streets, and especially out of cyber cafes

2. If any person claiming to be Police associated, plain clothes or in uniform, asked for your ID... hand it over, kneel, raise your hands in the air, and no sudden moves... or other wise just run for your life... there's no point in resisting

3. If you have a pack of weed don't swallow it

4. If you don't cooperate nothing will stop us

5. And if you feel like you're about to die, that's ok, because you're dead anyway

_______________________________________________________

Yes it felt nice when I saw pics of the Alexandria demonstration. ElBaradei showing up, giving his condolences to the family... The thousands of concerned citizens... Yes... it felt nice...

Cathartic even...

Now I can go about my day getting some shit done here and there... then at the end of the day I'll be following the nightly talk shows that I am now addicted to... I can't wait for the weekends to finish so I can go back to them. Oh how I feel like I'm making such a huge difference! By committing myself to watching these shows! Oh and following the blogs too! I'm making such a difference!

All I want is for us to be so informational you know? communicationally GOOD!

DEFINITION OF 'A HYPOCRITE'

2010-05-27T23:13:00.003+03:00

Like democracy, hypocrisy means different things to different people.

The man I'm talking about told me 'Don't be a hypocrite... stop pretending'

ME? A Hypocrite?

Maybe... Only when I am nice to people at work for networking purposes who I'd really rather slit the throats of... Me? a Hypocrite?

Maybe... but only when I'm going on and on about the cuteness of a friend's baby while I'd rather just shove a cork in their non-mutable mouths...

But when I'm trying to protect my love? a hypocrite?

When I'm fighting an eternal war everyday against the temptations I face so I can stay on top of my struggle with addiction? I'm a hypocrite?

A hypocrite is a person who says they care. And when you're already down they'd push your head deeper in the mud with their boots claiming that this is what YOU want... that's a hypocrite!

A hypocrite is someone calling me a hypocrite for trying to stay clean!

A hypocrite is someone who calls himself a life long friend and then gives you heroin!

A hypocrite is someone who wouldn't admit that staying away from you is the best favor they can do you!

A hypocrite is someone who sees YOU as the hypocrite...

- ISIS

CLEAN FOR YEARS

CHEARS TO FEARS COMING TRUE!

2010-04-25T03:55:00.004+02:00

I'm sitting here thinking is it really that all my fears are coming true?

I'm not sure but to think that every little fear I've ever had since my life began is coming true is just torture.

Losing people is hard. Losing them because they stopped breathing or because they are no longer the person you knew doesn't make much of a difference. At the end of the day everybody a stranger.

Those who I lost to the ground and those who are withering away are the hardest to live without. Because you know they won't stay forever, or that they're gone and will never come back. Even those you love, you know it's temporary, we'll all die soon anyways.

But those who you lose because OF life are really an inconvenience at best.

And the country...

Which country?

This country is going to hell... we all know it... so just shut the fuck up.

yeah yeah the 6th of that and the 9th of that and the 17th of that.... nothing's gonna change I'm telling ya. It's all a sham, he'd tell me. And I miss that. Because all the hope around these days will be followed by the most disappointment. The best thing to do now is drop dead because other than that it's coming. Oh it's coming and it'll be here any moment. Just wait and see.

So the question comes down to this: Is everything they told me true?

Was I that stupid because I didn't believe?

Probably.

Yesterday I was up unable to sleep, watching Nadia El Guindy's movie - al da2e3a - meaning the "lost one"- on Cairo Cinema at 5am. And I noticed something... the crazy woman was shooting up for real. I know a real fix when I see one - and the one being shot into Nadia El Guindy on screen was a real one, so was the technique. Now why would that be dangerous?

Well... I couldn't sleep, because I'm worrying, was bored of the thinking in circles, it was a movie I've never seen before. And hope to never see again. Hope that's clear...

Al Baradei hope of the millions... oh thousands still? oops sorry. I want to give some advice to the man of the hour. Listen man, they won't let you ok?

And what you're trying to do... you know, the revolution? that's not how it's done. The only way that would make it work here is... well I can't really say on here so you know what I mean? raise some hell you bad boy you!

Maybe by our grandchildren's grandchildren's time there'll be clean metro.

Have you ever thought deeply about which people you can do without? Have you ever realized that you can do without them all?

I don't owe anybody anything. I owe me only.

None of this will matter - the only things I'll hold on to from now on will be mine alone.

WHERE IS ALL THE HASH?

2010-03-16T16:41:00.006+02:00

Since this is pretty much the most open blog when it comes to discussing issues of drug abuse and addiction I guess it's only normal to bring to light an ongoing underground crisis that most people would never notice. But that's of course if you consider that most Egyptians are not Hash smokers.

In the past week there has been a complete shut down of the Hash markets in Egypt. After Heroin's hay day about 5 years ago (kind of when I started blogging) we reached a level where one gram of heroin cost less (60LE - 80LE) than a "coin" (around 2 grams) of hash which cost 100LE.

After this time we started reading about massive Heroin busts in the papers and we had a period of what seemed like the government was combatting Heroin. As far as I know Heroin sale was successfully reduced and treatment and rehab got considerable attention from the media and the public. Concurrently we sensed a flexibility in Hash sale and it's demand went up, while its price went down making it extremely widespread.

But last week something happened. The market completely shut down. Hash disappeared and after the news of monthly busts never exceeding 30 to 60 tons people started hearing of multiple busts of hundreds of tons within just a few days. Hash addicts are frustrated and a lot of them are resorting to the newly re-emerging Bango which is a lot cheaper but has a much higher cost in terms of brain cells.

Bango was extremely common in the 1990's - remember Sha'abolla? El wad kareem wel wad lango? fi koll share3 aw 7etta? A lot of us remember how stupid it made everyone, some people irreversibly too.

What I care about the most is why the sudden drug policy change? We all know that keeping the youth high is not a coincidence. We all know the policy was in place for a reason. My question is why now? is it to bring back BANGO - the Egyptian weed that is correlated with laziness, low cost and low IQ's? OR is to to wake up the stoner population of Egypt? Which in my view is a considerable interest group... or is it to emphasize on the Interior Ministry showing 'WHO'S BOSS'? one more time before the parliamentary and presidential elections? Either way I believe that this is interesting because it does signify a shift. It's not clear until now to what exactly or why but at least we know that we'll find out soon.

I personally do NOT have a good feeling about this. Whatever the reasons behind it may be. I have a bad feeling about the coming period as a whole. I'm sorry I'm not more optimistic. I think we should all think verrry carefully about who we trust these days. Mayhem shall cometh.

WAR IS PEACE

FREEDOM IS SLAVERY

IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

Love that's not pure...

2010-02-07T00:41:00.002+02:00

Death, my only refuge

From the woe that's on to me

It chases away my smiles

And puts chains on me

Twice Earth makes it's turn

And twice I thought around me

But actually it bent me over

And suddenly screwed me

My heaven would be unlimited access to all information

My heaven would have you in it

Pure and calm you'd be in it

Completely frank you'd be in it

But that would be my heaven

My hell is here already

Melting away my candles

Burning all my dreams

Screw it, for it has screwed me!

Screw you!

Who's going to pick up the pieces now?

THE STONING OF SORAYA M

2010-01-07T09:54:00.005+02:00

Based on Freidoune Sahebjam's novel "The Stoning of Soraya M" this film, directed by Award winner Cyrus Nowrastesh, portrays the real story of how after the Islamic regime came to power in Iran an innocent woman fell victim to a twisted plot by her husband, accused and convicted of adultery in a kangaroo trial and condemned to death by stoning.

The film portrays how women are treated in Iran but at the same time shows how proud and strong Iranian women are. In my view the film was shockingly realistic because in places where death by stoning is used, it is so true that mostly the woman is innocent not to mention the manipulation of Sharia. Sharia only prescribes death by stoning if:

1) the adulterers are in a current and valid marriage contract with another person.

2) does not distinguish stoning only for females

3) 4 Male witnesses with a reputation of just virtues must have seen the adulterers at the same time together

4) All 4 witness must witness the complete intercourse.

The only time someone was stoned to death at the time of the prophet was when a woman went to him and admitted her adultery and asked to be punished so god would forgive her. After she told him she was pregnant the prophet told her to go and come back after birth. She gave birth and went back to him and he ordered her to wait until she's done breast feeding. She went and came two years later asking to be punished. The prophet only then ordered her execution. Point of the story - even though stoning in Islam remains to be a horrible form of death whose application correctly is elusive and not clear, it is mandated in a way so it would practically be impossible to apply. If adultery happened, it's still a sin, but it is only punishable by stoning in very specific circumstances that are very difficult to occur. And that technically is only to communicate to people how grave cheating on your spouse is and in my opinion should never be applied here on Earth.

Watch the film and we'll critique it together.

I QUIT MY JOB SO I CAN BLOG!

2010-01-05T22:38:00.003+02:00

I am out. I handed in my resignation and did the handover and said goodbye to everyone. Even though it was the hardest decision of my life but it was the most crucial up to this point. My job wasn't 'just a job'. It was a life I had to give up, people I had to let go, health I had to conserve, and creativity I had to veil. My TV life is over and now I'm back for good. Back to blogging. And my goal: a better future.

ALL I KNOW IS THAT SHE KILLED HER HUSBAND pt2

2010-01-03T03:57:00.002+02:00

It started with her being silent during our group therapy sessions. Until session after session the groups dwindled down to her, me, and the therapist. And she started talking. She lit a cigarette and started staring at the corner of the room before she began speaking. She never even smoked a cigarette before she married him at 17 straight out of high school. They had a girl right away. But after marriage she started to realize his second life of drugs and cheating. She was upset at first but time after time you get used to it. And with the constant abuse, that she got used to too, he started giving her drugs until she was hooked. He used to bring home the dealers and make her fuck them for Heroin while he locked their daughter in her room. And once he ditched her with the dealers in the desert and took off. And she was theirs for 3 days. She sure did bring home the dough though. She was high and devastated. Disgusted at her life and her husband and scared for her daughter. She was desperate and oppressed. She decided to end it and made sure he overdosed. She claimed he shot Heroin until he died. Her daughter was with relatives. She fled scared for her life. These crimes don't go easy in the said kingdom. Other than that she seemed like any normal human being sedated and stabilized in a mental hospital being treated from addiction.

ALL I KNOW IS THAT SHE KILLED HER HUSBAND

2010-01-02T11:26:00.003+02:00

She killed him and could manage to leaver her country and come to Egypt. We were in the same group therapy sessions. What happens in the group stays in the group. But she killed her husband the father of her kid. He used to pimp her out for Heroin and she gave him an overdose and the police were looking for her. She decided to flee and enter rehab. This happened in the biggest gulfy kingdom. I guess its safer to tell her story now after all, it was years ago. She was quiet and extremely pleasant. She was shy and funny sometimes. But she had a huge wound. And none of us knew her real name, I was the only one who knew the name she went by was fake but her story was real.

TO BE CONTINUED...

CONVENTIONAL MEDIA VS. BLOGGING IN EGYPT

2009-12-26T13:25:00.003+02:00

To be honest... I would be making a bigger difference in this world and in my immediate environment if I were just blogging. Why? because simply put here on my blog I don't have to abide by someone else's agenda. I don't know how much blunter I must be but blogging is independent in a way that conventional media is merely incapable of being. Even the so called privately owned. It's not a secret. Everyone has an agenda and it would be sheer stupidity by the public to assume otherwise. And the best thing about it is you can sense that type of awareness starting to spread in the Egyptian public. Awareness. You can smell it but it still hasn't cooked.

But, exactly like for the conventional media, for blogs and internet activism, as the old saying goes الحلال بين والحرام بين = 'What's right is obvious and what's wrong is obvious." If there's lying and bashing and random false info spread online, there's more in conventional media. And if there are people trying to recruit to fundamentalism or intolerance or spread congestions or trying to promote agendas or manifestos online, there are billions of dollars supporting that going to conventional media. And like change in policy is a reflection of social change, what happens on the web only reflects the random impulsive chaotic state of Egyptian media.

The same rules supposedly governing press and television do in essence, or must govern the internet, but in a different manner of application. These principles apply a personal responsibility approach. If bloggers decide to attempt reporting news and not provide opinion they must be allowed to. And if they want to be commentators or advocate certain causes and ideas again they must be allowed to. And the only way this dilemma of information gushing back and forth across the web in a 'Huxley-an' manner, is to be aware of the amount of fallacies out there. At the same time any attempt by authorities to implement a 'truth filter' would present a grave mistake and blow to development.

The government must provide the balance. The anchor. Romannet El Mezan. But since the government's state is even worse than the media's I guess there are still many gaps to be filled. So I won't preach and say "everyone of us must do their part" and all this crap that has proved a failure in application - But at least the next time someone tries to feed you crap refuse to taste it. I am amazed by how much I missed blogging. So many things deserve so much attention from all of us and unfortunately conventional media, either private or government remains hesitant to take the remaining steps necessary between presenting a quasi truthful point of view and inspiring real social action.

MOHAMED AL BARADEI FOR PRESIDENT?

2009-12-13T10:39:00.003+02:00

I decided to post the entire interview he recently did with Ahmed Al Mosalamany because I think we should all watch it. As for what I think about this entire issue I will post a little later. But watch and here's a brief of the interview in English.

ADDICT AT WORK GOT FIRED BUT I'M STILL COMPLAINING

2009-12-04T12:15:00.005+02:00

What a relief!

The bad news is our station has to undergo a period of extensive layoffs, letting go almost half the employees. The good news is the "Heroin Addict" from the last post was let go in the lay offs the very next day after the post.

The question now remains to be - what next?

Am I going to continue being exploited? Apparently yes. I have been working for more than a year with the same lousy salary and no benefits whatsoever. Not even a contract. Not even a phone line for work or even paid sick leaves. The only time I took a sick leave I wasn't paid for the 3 weeks I had to stay home for my knee injury.

And the only reason I stayed at work this long is because it was fun. It was fun to learn and gain experience. But after a while it started taking a toll on my emotional and physical health. Working 10 to 12 hours a day on average and regularly having to come in on weekends, plus not having ANY time for myself, my family, or my physiotherapist. It sucks. I want to find another job... I want to find another life.

Plus - this amount of mental strain and pressure puts me at risk of snapping at any given moment. I feel I don't have structure in my life and that so many factors that don't include me are actually in control. Other people and other things are in the drivers' seat and I'm just buckled in for the ride.

I would be impacting this world so much more if I was just blogging. I'd have more space for being creative and actually some good may come out of it. At the moment my brain is going rusty. I don't have any time or energy left after work for anything other than sleeping... which I'm also getting less and less of everyday because of the anxiety caused by a lack of stability. And honestly all in all I'm beginning to realize that it's not worth what I'm losing - my voice.

I'm either going on strike or writing my resignation... This sucks.

ISIS - THE EXPLOITED WORKER

HEROIN ADDICT AT WORK ALERT!

2009-12-01T01:39:00.004+02:00

My job is making me miserable. I'm over qualified, over exploited, and way way underpaid. I work because I'm good at what I do even though negative energy is a permanent element of the environment.

Most people who work in media here in Egypt are so un-fucking-professional. And in the middle of mediocracy there are always the 'sluts' and the 'ass-kissers' with which raw efficiency has a hard time competing. I honestly want to say more but I can't.

One day everything at work was going to hell... Everyone was fucking around because of this unGodly Eid break and nobody showed up. However some shit needed to get done . I won't go into details but someone who works freelance was called in for the emergency.

I've been hearing about this person for a long time. A few months ago I hear some gossip that someone was caught shooting up at the other venue of the entity I work for and was relieved from his responsibilities after the incident. I later over heard two people gossiping and saying that this person 'quit shooting' and came back to work.

BULLSHIT! I saw him recently for the first time. The blood in my veins rushed to my head as I first heard him speak. He was high off his ass. The scratchy voice flew over my earlobes. Mu eyeballs was locked on the red of the itchy nose he kept scratching, and the track marks embossed and dark on his arms... what a nightmare. I saw his pupils tight as a needle hole. I wanted to crash his skull in the wall.

How this world is so inconsiderate. How so unfair. I'm not being a drama queen. Come on! Not my Achilles Heel! Fuck you life! Fuck You!

The dilemma I'm facing now is that he was called in because this other guy on my team is an unreliable bastard and my direct boss wants him replaced. To be honest so I want him replaced too cuz he keeps fucking up my work and is NEVER on time. And the other option may very well be the Heroin addict.

I called my therapist and he told me to resign. He said it's not worth it. And stupid me thought my job is my life. But that is wrong. This job is just a job. My life is everything. I won't have a job or a career or even a future if I don't have my life.H Heroin has taken so many lives but will not claim mine.

Mind you if it was all about the job I could have easily advanced myself using the afore mentioned 'alternative techniques for success.' But I wouldn't ass-kiss if my life depended on it, nor would I make men do things for what they would never get... but working with a Heroin addict, the hours we'd spend together would bring back so much memories, the pain, the suffering, the cravings, the stress and a potential relapse is just not worth 'the job'. Even if it's fun. And even if I'm working with giants. It is just not worth it.

I can't go tell my boss I won't work with a Heroin addict because he'll think I'm merely morally opposed and he'll say, "you're just his colleague - you won't MARRY him". I can't tell my boss that I'm a former Heroin addict myself. I just can't.

Is this the end of my story with "___TV"? maybe... I'll keep you updated. It depends what will happen the next few days.

OBAMA GONE COUNTDOWN

2009-11-29T03:56:00.001+02:00

I love Barack Obama by the way. This is just funny and worthy of posting.

Barack Obama Countdown widget brought
to you by www.obamacountdownwidget.com

URGENT: GET YOUR VOTING CARD NOW!!

2009-11-29T02:12:00.006+02:00

I am writing this post to inform you that voting registration is open and is ONLY OPEN UNTIL JANUARY.

This is the duty of the government really, but since no one is doing it from the government nor the media we should be doing it. But since these two are doubtlessly malfunctioning entities in our beloved Egypt we have to do it for them. After all that is why all these so called bloggers exist in the first place - right?

(Enter violins)

Anyways. Voting registration is open until January. And if you're born in 1983 or after you should already be 'enlisted' for registration. Which means your names are most probably in the voting registers in the precinct where you were born or the 'esm' in your birth certificate. For example: esm qasr el nil, esm el 3agooza, esm el dokki, esm el nabi 7arso...

If your name is not on the registers you need to get enlisted first.

WHAT YOU NEED TO DO

STEP 1:

Go to the closest police precinct before 1:00pm any day from Saturday through Thursday. If the address in your National ID Card is not the same as that in you birth certificate go to the police precinct of the address in you birth certificate and ask for the 'election committee' or لجنة الإنتخبات

STEP 2:

If you're born in 83 or after and your name is already enlisted and all you need to do is fill a form.

If you're born before 83 or if your name is not registered for any reason you would need to go to the police precinct of the address on your National ID card and enlist your name in the voting registers or what is called 'قيد إنتخابي"

You would do this first before filling the 'voting card' form.

STEP 3:

Go back to the police precinct in March and receive your voting card and celebrate being not a loser.

____________________________

I know I am barking in the dark here but I'm getting my voting card done once and for all. I don't want history to pass by without trying to change it.

I know voting is rigged. We all know that but I believe it is rigged because we let them rig it. The voting turnouts are always depressingly low and if they weren't rigged the Muslim Brotherhood would win anyways. So the only way the rigging is going to go away is if more and more of us to exercise one of the already existing but very fucking few rights we already have - which is voting.

Especially since there are no judges at the ballots anymore.

We must be there at the parliamentary elections in 2010.

And much much more importantly the 2011 presidential elections. Oh God does my heart flicker of panic from the thought?

I panic because I don't know if Mubarak - The Father will run.

I don't know if Mubarak - The Son - Jimmy will run. And the idea that Alaa had his literal 15 minutes of fame and the response it had to the backdrop of this whole Algeria thing tells you how easily anyone can manipulate the people - not to say that Alaa was trying to. That's the sad part. It wasn't even planned or Jimmy would've been the one doing phone ins and gaining popularity. Nothing is planned. It's all random.

Which makes me wonder how many 'random' things will happen with the advent of the Egyptian presidential elections in 2011?

Prozac? anyone?

ISIS

SOCCER MY ASS!

2009-11-24T21:03:00.004+02:00

And the question remains to be

"What were the Egyptian ambassadors in Algeria and Sudan smoking all this time?"

Was there no intell?

I don't believe that the Egyptian intelligence did not know about this.

I believe they knew cuz well... EVEN I KNEW!

I heard from people who were planning to go to Sudan that their contacts in Khartoum were advising them NOT TO COME because the Algerians have been flocking in, spending a lot of money, and buying knives.

A brief description of the mess here.

The attacks in Sudan were SYSTEMATIC, the ALGERIAN state was involved, and they were WIDESPREAD.

The attacks were TARGETING EGYPTIAN CIVILIANS going to SUDAN to cheer in a soccer game.

The Algerian official stance is so shameful that Egyptian Arab Nationalists are having "The worst time of their life" (SM).

The Algerian Minister of Youth and Athletics said in an interview:

"You know the events that the Algeria squad went through in Egypt and nobody can measure their effect, but the Algerian players stood tall and kept intact their chances of qualification by forcing the Egyptian to go to a play off match. Things were not easy and obviously we had to stand by them. Thanks God we have succeeded somehow since we snatched our ticket to the World Cup and everybody participated in this achievement including the players, fans technical staff and politicians."

What the 'Algeria squad' went through in Egypt is honestly incomparable to what happened to the Egyptian team and supporters in Sudan.

This is a clear violation of international law governing friendly relations between states and more than anything a violation of Sudanese territorial sovereignty.

This is a clear violation of political protocols.

And it is inspired by hate towards Egyptians and nothing less bitter.

The Egyptian media overdosed on it's own poison.

So whenever any so called Arab country wants to flex its muscles it is Egypt that's always the catalyst? The punching bag?

Screw that!

And YES! Qatar is the only strategic benefactor from destroying any dignity still left in Egypt's international image.

You know what? Until there's an official apology, until Algeria is disqualified from the World Cup, and until ALL those (not just the Algerians) who attempted to offend the dignity of Egyptians learn their lesson, I like many other Egyptians will have a bleeding heart.

And until then the Egyptian government really should declare the Algerian Ambassador in Cairo "PERSONA NON GRATA" - or an unwanted diplomatic personality.

If you have any material that can be used to incriminate Algeria in this matter please send it to:

info@wasnotsoccer.com

FACES OF RACISM

2009-11-11T23:53:00.004+02:00

This trial must be made into a movie.

Someone very dear to me told me he was very offended when we saw the images of Marwa's masked murderer in court.

Why cover his face and show the faces of John Allen Muhammad and Nidal Malik? Cover them as well.

And while you're at it cover the faces of Rumsfeld and George W Bush.

Cover the face of evil when it's a white man.... show evil when it comes in Muslim packaging.

When will the West understand? Evil has no race or religion... it's in us all and is capable of coming after any of us indiscriminately!

The DC Sniper was executed yesterday with lethal injection. He was a muslim convert and his sister states that since he came back from the military he just was not the same.

At the same time Nidal Malik goes on a shooting spree in Fort Hood killing 13 and wounding about 30. And he will go to military court and might get a death sentence.

I was never a conspiracy theorist but has anyone seen The Manchurian Candidate?

Anyways... Marwa's murderer is sentenced to life.

May God rest her soul in the essence of his justice, may He forgive him and his sins, and our sins and the sins of our loved ones and of all believers.

ISIS

I WANT TO PUKE LETTERS

2009-10-07T16:52:00.000+02:00

6 OCTOBER - تعيشوا و تفتكروا

2009-10-07T15:42:00.003+02:00

"And after the bridge collapsed killing thousands, Cairo was divided in two with a long line of death and destruction in the middle. The government and the religious authorities issued a joint decree declaring that the incident was pure and untampered 'fate' and the only thing we can do is thank god it wasn't the High Dam. All attempts at legislative or judicial measures taken to find someone accountable were aborted in the womb by arbitrary arrests and police crackdowns on anyone who had the nerve to protest.

The anger and the injustice led the authorities to focus even less about the problems the people were now facing and focus more on shutting them up. Day by day the authorities became one Authority that's only function is to protect itself.

Before this incident, the glue that held the people to the government was the public sector. Now, after the "URGENT Emergency Laws" were drafted in a half empty parliament, a curfew was imposed after dark and sometimes even the city streets that were still functioning were blocked... And thus public transportation was paralyzed along with a number of other public services. The excuse was that the parliamentarians couldn't get to down town and attend the session where the laws were approved because of the difficulties in transportation, however, they all gave their consent on the parliament Facebook group... People can no longer move freely. And still dissent was strong.

There is something about Egyptians that makes them unlike any people anywhere else in the world. They are divided over the silliest of things and united over the silliest of things. But the fact that Egypt existed first - before religion, oil, the UN, and nuclear weapons - makes all Egyptians believe that Egypt will also exist long after these things are gone...."

- From Somewhere Far

From Somewhere Far...

2009-10-05T02:32:00.002+02:00

Back home... after a series of long hard ass days at work... I'm depressed so I'm writing...

1. I dumped him because he was a heroin addict.

That's why I did it... the look his friend gave me when I saw him somewhere by chance is a very patronizing disturbing look... I thought WTF??? I wanted to go talk to him... and ask him... "Why are you looking at me like that? As if I killed him? I dumped your friend that way because he was a Heroin addict.... What? Me dumping him made him relapse?? No it fucking didn't! He was relapsed already and you of all people know that best... don't blame me! I'm sorry I hurt him! And I still feel bad - but I did the right thing. And now I'm safe. Your friend is big enough to find his way... or so he claims and I wouldn't know better.... Now look at me! I'M HAPPY FOR A CHANGE YOU FUCKERS!"... Now would you fucking take the picture?

2. It's like part of your brain has been cursed forever. You know what I miss most? I miss the balls. I had the biggest balls of all time. I would enter and risk every thing for the temporary fake pleasure that fucked my life for a long time - I was hurting myself - BUT DID I HAVE BALLS! Nobody, not even the police, could intimidate me - and getting shot at is pretty intimidating when you're out scoring smack. (not to imply that shooting at heroin buyers is a regular thing - it's not) But now all these homo sapiens who I really am convinced are from a lower species - intimidate me. They intimidate me in life and at work which is sooooo frustrating knowing that none of those strong sturdy men with mustaches and families to feed would stand a second in the war I fought... and am winning at the moment. Still... It doesn't comfort me... That thought used to comfort me that I won a war they would lose - now it doesn't. It's as if that person that I was is now completely gone - which is supposed to be a good thing - but since she's gone I don't have any balls left and I don't know what to do.

3. I'm so paranoid all the time... I can't relax and I don't have any time for myself. I wish I could isolate myself. I wish I could just jump into a well of unlimited knowledge and information and keep swimming and drinking until I'm high off the truth.

4. I wish I can just breath this thing out that's stuck in my chest. I wish I can cough it out or puke it out. I wish I can just fart it out my ears or pass it on to the sewage systems... but I can't... It's stuck inside me and won't escape until I'm dead or no more.

I wish I can weave threads of my own being and wrap myself all around

And find peace and warmth inside my little world where it's dark but light inside

A lonely little piece of mind that starts to change this skin I hide

With shackles on my feet, I try to find my pot of freedom, the potion, the poison, the elixir

The medicament to pain, the sniper of happiness,

And drink it bit by bit

I wish all my senses would open and release everything I am.

I'm only taking a picture of you and a ticking clock to my tomb

5. WOW - that feels better.... any one got anything? 7ad fehem ay 7aga? mesh mohem...

RAMADAN IS HERE

2009-08-22T11:50:00.000+02:00

EGYPTIAN SUMMER THEME 2009: PROSTITUTION & REDEMPTION

2009-07-28T03:19:00.013+03:00

I always believed our society suffers severe psychological problems...

And the diagnosis can never be short of a collective form of split personality disorder. And as any other system, we have defense mechanisms to help us cope, like denial, repression, and projection.

This year in Marina (Marina in my view is a phenomena that teaches us a lot about Egypt if observed well) a new pole emerged pulling the social contradiction pool wider. In Marina, a place where bikinis and burqas go literally hand in hand, where the paths of the poorest and richest of Egypt cross, a resort that some have called a consequence of bribery and corruption in gov't realms, sometimes symbolizes a magnifying glass on this frustrated and godforsaken society...

Especially after the 'resort' became less exclusive to the highest elites and its doors were open to poorer people. I don't know but it just amazes me because in Marina it's a different circumstance, it's the Summer, so you can observe the cultural and social as well as the economic gaps of contradictions and paradoxes even more... Anyways... This year billboards like those in the photo appear to have sprung up everywhere in Marina.

Observing this leads me to the following conclusions:

1. We, Egyptians, in the past few years attained new levels and forms of Freedom of Expression in a very capitalistic and commercial sense. These billboards are obviously costly and are payed for by someone to promote religion on the beaches of Marina and some of them are placed right in front of the Sakkara and Drinkies liquor shops.

2. This kind of Freedom of Expression unveiled a lot of social, ideological, and cultural contradictions in our society. This is because practically anyone can now successfully mobilize interest groups, affect public opinion, and communicate practically any type of message through a zillion different media available, which generally speaking is a positive thing.

3. The advertiser in this case has specified a very particular target audience. At first some may view this a positive thing for someone to allocate money just to help spread a positive spiritual message. But we must look deeper. The first question that comes to my mind is "If you're so keen on reforming morals... Why make this ad in English? Why exclude on obvious purpose a huge portion of the Marina population?... If this person wanted to merely remind people of God... Why didn't he make the ad in Arabic?

Because they're targeting a specific group... the exclusively English speaking population of Marina, the mostly higher class people, are the target audience of this ad... And this means that the advertiser assumes that it is only those people who need to be reminded of God...

And this means that he or she hold two assumptions as truth. 1. That the higher class is morally corrupt 2. The lower classes do not need moral guidance (or social reform) as virtue of being poor... What? Am I reading too much into this? I doubt... but maybe

The second and opposite interesting phenomenon is a new means used to practice the oldest profession. Online 'Escort Services' available in Cairo Egypt. Rates of different agencies and independents are posted on these sites, ranging from $100 and 2700LE per hour (300Euros) to 10,000LE per night. Different profiles of girls who'll be in Cairo for a designated period of time constitute a menu of mainly Russian and East European girls.

I couldn't believe it at first so I instantly sent a text message to a Cairo mob number posted by one of the agencies asking to rent 2 girls for 3 hours. Within seconds I get a reply saying only 1 girl is availabe and 'incall'. I replied asking 'Where?' and the answer was 'Fairmont Heliopolis Hotel'.... Tribute to our Tourism Police regulations that forbid unmarried people from staying together in Hotel rooms... but hookers are OK??

NO! That's business.

Not only that... but in a time of economic crisis one of the few industries 'ALWAYS LOOKING FOR NEW TALENT'... and t hey're investing in recruiting. I always knew that prostitution hubs exist everywhere. But this, to me, is new and not OK. I just believe that this in Egypt is worth examining especially to the backdrop of Billboards reading "REMEMBER ALLAH", court orders deciding to bar porn sites, while everyday girls get sexually harassed in the street, and Swinger's Clubs are being hunted down on Facebook.

By the way. Prostitution was legal in Egypt pre 1952... and working girls had to get a medical check up and a 'license' to practice... Hash was legal too. Now these things are not legal but ever so much more common than when they were.

I am so concerned at this moment by what is foreshadowed. When we, Egyptians, started possessing a few forms of Freedom of expression and access to information is this how we use it? When we get hold of new technologies do we only use them for our demise? So can the gov't say we don't deserve freedom? I don't know exactly if there's even a specific point I'm trying to make through this post. But I know one thing.

The contradictions and the gaps in our society are by no means only economic.

We are ideologically, culturally, and socially messed up.... Summer 2009 just yields new examples of how.

ISIS

HEROIN AND ME

2009-07-19T01:33:00.003+03:00

I AM A RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

And I'm proud.

WHY?

Because I'm dealing with it. Because I am fixing my life and I believe in hope.

WHY AM I BRINGING THIS UP NOW?

Because I tried to run away from it and I'm sorry I was being a hypocrite. I'm sorry I took down all my heroin posts - but now they're all back on. I republished all of them because THIS is the right thing to do - denial never helped me and will never solve this problem.

DO NOT WORRY!

I've been clean ever since the last time I mentioned my personal struggle with heroin on this blog, but starting now I will never be silent on this issue again because it keeps taking away people I love... the future of this country keeps getting fucked because the dealers keep dealing.

I will hereby make it my personal struggle to take down the barriers and expose the naked veins of this problem.

I write about addiction to help spread awareness to others through portraying my personal experience with this difficult struggle.

My Heroin Posts:

ONE MORE VICTIM

WHY DON'T I CARE

MY FIRST YEAR OFF HEROIN

MY FIRST YEAR OFF HEROIN! WOOHOO!

MICHAEL JACKSON - ZA KING OV BOB

2009-07-08T21:08:00.005+03:00

I heard a guy on Al Jazeera complain about all the attention given to Michael Jackson's death in Arab media asking 'who the hell was Michael Jackson anyway? What did he do for Arabs? What did he do for Muslims? What was his stance on Gaza?' ummmm....

The king Michael Jackson at some point exemplified every teenaged boy's ultimate life dream in Shobra more than in Harlem. At least in the US they had other huge icons... and Jacko was also criticized. But in Egypt he came to the masses in GODLY SHAPE through mostly bootlegged tapes before the internet, MTV, and CD's... like a calling

I mean during any summer in the period from 1985 to 1995 if you walk down Khaled Ibn El Waleed St. in "Meyami" or go to "Ma3moura" in Alexandria at any given time there will be someone doing the moonwalk so chicks can drool.. and some did... chicks were also obsess with him.... and I'm talking about the masses not exclusively those who went to American schools....

It was when I watched the funeral that I realized how truly influential za king really was. And started realizing what a loss it is for the world... he wasn't just an entertainer... He was a huge humanitarian, he gave hundreds of millions of dollars to charity... this tour he was going to have... Like most of his shows, it was going to contain many messages promoting peace and tolerance... and there hasn't been a time when the world needs that more than now.... And Michael Jackson was the only person with the sort of universal standing that would truly make the entire world listen... But now no one on this planet can even compare to the amount of love the world had for Michael Jackson...

(Except Maybe Barack Obama!!)

HONOR CRIME ALERT: JORDAN

2009-07-08T16:37:00.002+03:00

From Jordan Times:

"AMMAN (AFP) - A court on Tuesday halved the jail term of a 29-year-old man who shot his raped sister 12 times and killed her "in the name of honour", a judicial official said.

The Criminal Court initially sentenced the man to 15 years with hard labour for killing his sister in 2008 in Mwaqqar, but immediately reduced it to seven-and-a-half years.

The judgement can be appealed within 30 days.

"The woman disappeared from home for six months after she was raped last year," the official told AFP.

"Police kept the woman in custody for her protection and later handed her over to the family, but the brother shot her 12 times in different parts of her body once she arrived home, killing her immediately."

The man told police that he committed the crime "in the name of honour", according to the official.

It was not immediately clear whether police ever caught the rapist.

Murder is punishable by the death penalty in Jordan, but in the case of so-called "honour killings", a court usually commutes or reduces sentences, particularly if the victim's family urges leniency.

Between 15 and 20 women are murdered each year in Jordan in the name of "honour". Last year, around 17 such killings were recorded."

Just thought I should mention this.

LYNCHING MUSLIMS IN THE WEST

2009-07-06T23:28:00.011+03:00

Marwa El Sherbini: Veil Victim?

Her death is currently being minimized by local media and the group of creatures that call themselves April 6th as a martyrdom for the isolated cause of 'Hijab'. This woman did not die for Hijab you guys!! She died because she was a Muslim and because she was and Arab and because she was an Egyptian.... She would have been called a 'terrorist' by the perpetrator either was just for being who she is... and he would have still attacked her with or without the veil. His hatred for her was not aesthetic. Read more here... this post claims that there is no charge yet and the perpetrator charged of manslaughter is a rumor.

And when her husband tried to defend her against the perpetrator's brutal stabs, police guards automatically thought The White Man was being attacked and shot her husband... all of this in front of her son's eyes... not to mention she was pregnant...

German Nazi Justice!!

Instead of moping around, the Egyptian government, the Azhar, and anyone who gives a shit about discrimination against Muslims should ensure the following:

- The perpetrator be charged of murder in the first degree if not premeditated...

- All legal efforts should be paid by the Egyptian state to ensure legal proceedings are successful of landing a maximum sentence.

- The victim's husband should be provided with funds to press charges against the police department for discrimination and assault by the guards.

- I would presume a courthouse in Germany would have security cameras that must have caught some of what happened.

- The filing of a law suit against the perpetrator as well as the German police, to demand an settlement appropriately equalling to the amount of damage the incident has caused the victim's family.

As Marwa El Sherbini's body reached it's final resting place in Alexandria... Another story was breaking across the Atlantic of another hate crime committed against members of the Muslim faith. As this article states, according to the victim's son, Ali Mohamed, originally Jordanian, has been receiving racist threats in the period preceding the fire in which his remains were found.

The photos posted by CAIR were supposedly

taken before the property that was used as a mosque was burnt down. The property was subjected to numerous acts of vandalism in the past. The victim had allegedly went there to clean up the place when an explosion was heard around the neighborhood.Another incident was reported not too far back of a mosque being vandalized in Miami.

"Those who hate us hate us not for what we do, but for what we are" - George W. Bush

IRAN UPDATES

2009-06-30T13:47:00.006+03:00

June 28th 2009from "The Daily News Egypt"

Egyptian anti-riot policemen prevent demonstrators from gathering at a Cairo downtown street on Saturday, June 27, during a protest to commemorate the 7th day of the death of slain Iranian protester Neda Agha Soltan, who was killed by a shot to the chest during a protest following Iran elections.

Ironic how the Egyptian regime is secretly hoping for the topple of the Ayotollahs in Tehran but suppresses Egyptian grassroots expressions of support for Iranian protestors... says a lot doesn't it?? I'm just so glad and relieved Ahmed Abul Ghait did not make any of his stupid remarks regarding Iran... so far.

Latest news is that the Council of Guardians just announced that the 10% vote recount results consolidate Ahmadi Nejad's disputed win.

Twitter updates suggest more protests in Tehran are breaking out. People are using various different kinds of civil disobedience, chanting "Allahu Akbar" from rooftops, honking their car horns, wearing green, etc..

This post describes the scene in Tehran today.

To all Iranian protestors:

Your bravery shines out to the world...

Be strong and unified... But be cautious and safe...

Take care of each other...

The entire world is praying for you.

IRAN: WHAT NEXT?

2009-06-29T11:38:00.008+03:00

First Iranians voted.

Even though many suspicions surround voting integrity, at the point the results came out, turmoil, violence, and death could still be avoided. The 'legal channels' of protest and addressing grievances were going to be taken by the opposition to contest the results.

People who voted for Mousavi or Karroubi took to the streets to peacefully protest the results. Bit by bit the crisis took form as gradually more and more people joined the protests.

Violence broke out. Basiji Milita started attacks on protestors. Video after video of people being shot and killed started coming out of Iran. An influx of citizen reporting on Twitter, the blogs, Facebook, Youtube, and others was how these brave Iranians utilized what little access they have to reach the outside world. Foreign media was kicked out of the country or closed and not permitted to work. State owned media is biased and favors Nejad. The Internet played the most crucial role in aiding Iranian protestors to synchronize and report clashes with anti-riots and other events from Tehran, Tibriz, Shiraz, Asfahan, and Qom.

Incident after incident the escalation quickly turned into a bloody crackdown, with estimates of thousands of arbitrary arrests, injuries, and dozens of deaths... more about these estimates at International Campaign for Human Rights in Iran

As this took place the international community was mostly silent. Obama clearly admitted that meddling in Iranian affairs in the past led up to the Islamic Revolution and getting involved may yield accusations of interference. While the Americans were busy biting their nails and freaking out, average Persian men and women were being murdered for peacefully assembling. The truth is, no one from the international community wants to interfere so they wouldn't be blamed for what happens later...

A Gunshot Heard Around the World

It went on... until Neda was shot. She looked the world in the eye as she died.

That's when Obama started using stronger language and condemning the violence... Ahmedi Nejad described him as just 'more of the same' Bush policies... Coinciding with the Iranian Council of Guardians deciding that only 10% of the votes in the margin of error and the opposition's refusal to accept that... Leaders in the West were speaking out, as leaders in the Middle East are holding their breath... All in all the situation keeps getting more complicated as Michael Jackson's death concert steals the spotlight.

Some have suggested that the Arab leaders should not silently but obviously root for this movement because it would inspire their poor oppressed peoples to rise up against them. I would like to try and negate some points in this AlJazeera.net article that drew connotations between Egypt and Iran.

First, no matter what those employed by the Emir of Qatar or anyone else say or tries to say, the Egyptian case is different along several important lines. The most important of them is that the regime's default setting in Egypt is idealistically secular. But in Iran, the regime uses the oil revenues that would other wise go to Iranians, to use the influence of groups backed by groups funding groups supported by the IRI itself, to export extremist Islamist political thought to, not only the Egyptian realm, but all over the region. And it is that that embodies the real threat of hijacking any uprising against the Egyptian regime by those affected by poverty the most.

Instead of directing all this money and effort to the welfare of Iranians, the Iranian regime chooses to invest in hatred. And the Iranian people (who according to this prove to be one of the most pro-US societies in the region) find themselves isolated from the world, violated and oppressed, under an exploitative abusive regime.

If the movement for freedom in Iran succeeds it will inspire us all that hope exists, embed the universality of human rights, and teach those in Orouba Palace that things need not happen IRI Style when the time for elections comes in Egypt.

What Next?

The truth is a movement as genuine as the one we're witnessing in Iran comes in a very delicate shape.

The IRI is now succeeding at thwarting any attempts at an organized nation-wide movement and reducing it to isolated pockets of random unrest.

As this amazing article from Rotten Gods explains, Iranians who're involved in the movement can not all be put in the same ideological categories. But they are all unified on at least three things

1. Opposition to Ahmedi Nejad

2. Opposition to Election Results

3. Will and desire for change

But as this Foreign Policy article describes, "Iran's popular uprising, which began after the June 12 election, may be heading for a premature ending. In many ways, the Ahmadinejad government has succeeded in transforming what was a mass movement into dispersed pockets of unrest. Whatever is now left of this mass movement is now leaderless, unorganized -- and under the risk of being hijacked by groups outside Iran in pursuit of their own political agendas."

Even though Mousavi has tried to generalize his calling to include as many Iranians as possible, the trend I'm noticing is more in the direction of opposition to Nejad, his support internally and his influence externally is diminishing surely even if slowly. Not to mention the widespread speculation about the sharp divisions inside the IRI's ruling elites. Between the presidency, the revolutionary guards, and the clerics, a cut struggle for consolidation of power plays out, over the wave that have stirred Iranians up for change. Not to mention the foreign regional and international forces that are to... ummm... yestado fil mayya el 3ekra... 'go fishing in the dirty waters'.

Also, the chess game strategies currently playing between the actors inside Iran allow for a deal resolution to be reached, where leader ship positions would be shuffled around, with the risk of compromising the true will of the people and not bringing true freedom and respect of human rights. So the people have to be careful who they endorse.

But either way... change from within is the best bet, it's what Iranians want and what they deserve. Iranians at the end of the day are the ones that suffer at the hands of the current regime. It thrives on oppressing their beliefs and limiting their aspirations. Many have suggested that the only way Iran can utilize nuclear technology for peaceful purposes is if a new secular regime was in power. Not to mention the Iranian seculars outside of Iran who lobby the congress to oppose any Iranian regime obtaining nuclear capabilities as long as they're not part of it.

What this movement needs at the moment is think of alternative ways to stay strong and yield the support of more Iranians. Keeping the idea and the spirit of 'Sea of Green' alive... Branding it as the movement for freedom for all Iranians that it is. After all it is the voice of average every day Iranians like Neda Agha Soltan, who did not belong to any specific political group, that makes the difference.

THE FUCK IT POST

2009-06-26T22:32:00.002+03:00

FUCK IT I TELL YA

YES FUCK IT!

I was recently confronted with the fact that I don't really know what made me stop writing. I discovered that my reasons for quitting Isis are the reasons that hijacked my inspiration in the first place. And I decided that, you know what? FUCK IT!

Anonymous or not anonymous - I'm doing what I love

Read me the way I am or delete me from your history

After all its just a blog - and should never be taken more seriously than it's intended to.

A road into the unconscious.... Random perceptions... Mind Craps...

I started blogging as a tribute to the truth... and the truth is so much bigger and more important than me, my blog, and my identity... so FUCK IT

Who the fuck cares anyways? BIG DEAL!!

My arrogance just made me believe my identity was such a big deal that I would fuss all this much about conceptions and misconceptions of identity and anonymity. And all this while I was getting unfocused from why I even started blogging in the first place...

I started blogging to fight against evil.... portrayed in the ills of my environment translated by my confused little mind.

I apologize if I acted as if this entire universe is about me... but we all struggle against the temptations of our pride every day....

This is my freedom bubble.... I vow that it will never be deflated.

I MISS BEING ANONYMOUS SO MUCH!

2009-05-17T02:31:00.003+03:00

I miss blogging anonymously so much!!

I write and write and don't care who reads it because no one knows its me. Or maybe everybody knows its me and everybody's pretending... or maybe I'm paranoid...

Do you my dear reader know who I am? Tell me if it matters to you... Would you believe me more? Or less if you knew my name?

What's in a name anyways?

Can reality be called any other word and still be real?

I miss it... I miss how real my bubble was to me. I miss being in the shadows. I miss being present with my spirit and not my label. I miss people not knowing me. I miss being anonymous so much. And I wish my name was forgotten.

Tell me my reader if it makes a difference to you whether or not a blogger is anonymous.

I sure like it better

THE LAST POST

2009-03-17T20:49:00.004+02:00

This is the end...

I am killing ISIS...

Isis was a lost soul looking for the slightest signs of sense in this vast boring universe... but now I found it.

Isis the paranormal goddess... dies tonight.

I contemplated and re-contemplated...

I can't deny the things I wrote or the things I've done... and I won't attempt to

But now I want to get past them... move on... as they say

Becoming Isis was a process to me... it started with messing around, grew into emotional ventilation and mental healing, letting it out and learning from it, helping others, warning others, making this an example for others.. call it mind crapping..... call it showing off my writing.. call it what you will.. At the end I didn't do what I was supposed to do..

because...

because...

Society's chains are wrapped too tight around me to break free... When I tried to I couldn't. I guess I'll always be struggling against some thing... But I'll always have the strength of what I conquered. I'll always remember those who prayed for me. I don't know if I could have done it with out you. Isis was a phase... or rather a necessary recovery operation of what is real.

and now the Oscar speech:

To the readers, what you have been subjected to here is the bare pulp of a mangled young mind with a sense of humor trying to heal its wounds. I hope it was at least entertaining. But I really hope it was insightful.

To my friends - who know themselves - you stood beside me and you can undeniably see your impact on my life blossoming in your faces. To the living amongst them - and to those who don't need to wait until I click 'publish' to read this.

To those who ran off - I thank God you did...

To those I hurt on purpose - I'm sorry I caused any disturbances to anyone's plans... but I'm not really in most cases... try to think clearly and thoroughly of what you really wanted from me being in your life and you'll understand why you deserved it... my advice... face yourself. It will bring breakthroughs I tell you.

To those who caused the most damage - May God bring forth his vengeance upon your heads and the heads of those who you love most (as He may see fit). I will go put all my grudges in a brown paper bag and stick it in the bottom of my closet. I still am not ready to set it on fire or bury any hatchets, and may not ever be, but my soul is thus cleansed of your hatred... and my nights are no longer haunted by your images. Your natural death is still the ideal solution, because I trust in God's justice. I delegate your punishment to the hands of He who is stronger than me and all my abilities... (still bitter?? hmm no i'd rather go with just being labeled menafsena - it's a lighter form of bitterness)

To my family - you suffered the most - May God be with you in healing what I caused and may He grant me the scope to make it up to you every day of my life with gratitude.

To My King,

What binds us is so much bigger than our egotistical love to each other. Between us is a divine bond that is connected with the fate of the universe. Not only do I want you with every fiber of my being, but something bigger and much more important than me and you and humanity combined wants us to be together. Our union is peace and equilibrium for this world. Take that away and I assure you the greatest mountains will crumble like cookies at the feet of the wrath that will unleash.

What we have been blessed with - most people are not even fortunate enough to define. It has been granted to us so we can protect it and utilize it for good... for, as we have been blessed, my dear love, we have also been cursed. As our potential contains elements with the capacity for mass destruction, it contains elements that if nourished will cover Earth in pleasantness, chirping of birds, and cheeky smiles.

Spiritual, they say we are. Connected. Telepathic. Whatever it is that makes my soul open painfully wide just so you can see deepest inside me, allows me to also see the deepest darkest corners where no one's ever been in your head. Let me take your hand and walk you through them, help you see the past from your present eyes. Let me light the way for you as you light for me my life. Let us lead on out of this pitch black darkness, and cross on into the light. I honestly did not mean for this to rhyme.

May God protect you and bless you
And grant us both the wisdom we need
May He present his hand of aid to your goals and give you faith
May he give you the strength and power to thwart any difficulty
And the humbleness to maintain his blessings
May he give me all that I need to make you happy forever as you make me.

(end of Oscar speech)

I hate to part with you, but it is time I step out of the shamed shadows and start embracing who I am.

As many of you have noticed, I have nothing to give here anymore...

This day I transform...

I come out of my cocoon to stretch out my wings and fly...

Here I got older and maturer.. I learned things about this world and myself... and now the curtains will go down on this chapter... but another chapter will, by default, pop up somewhere else.

And let the last words I type here as I wipe a few tears be to Isis:

Thank You.
One day "You looked like a goddess and felt like a goddess"
And you believed that
But you are no goddess
A rare phenomenon maybe - an exception - or even a heroine
But goddess you are not
Goddesses are myths traveling through time telling stories of strong women in dire episodes of misery
But they and their stories are not real
Not as real as you and your story
At least you lived to tell about it

- - - - - - -
Exits with grace

Conscious Hallucinations

2009-03-11T02:52:00.004+02:00

ARABIA DREAMING

All the leaves are dry
and the sky is white
I've been for a walk
on a winter's day

I'd be safe and warm
if I was in S.A.
Arabia Dreamin'
on such a winter's day

Stopped into a mosque
I passed along the way
well, I got down on my knees
and I pretend to pray

You know the Sheikhs like the cold
They know I'm gonna stay
Arabia Dreamin'
on such a winter's day

All the leaves are dry
and the sky is white
I've been for a walk
on a winter's day

if I didn't tell him
I could leave today
Arabia Dreamin'
on such a winter's day

A PRAYER

2009-03-02T03:06:00.003+02:00

A prayer for someone who passed recently. No body can ever truly comprehend what this man was to me.

The man who planted the seeds of so much knowledge in me...

A true feminist who put women demanding equality to shame with his views of superior womanhood..

He taught me so much... about absolutely everything... about life and people, death and religion, music and culture.

He was the first to ever tell me "Take care... you want to destroy yourself"... He was one of the rare few that were ever able to foretell what was going to happen... and what he foretold always happened... He never missed..

He feared for me and worried about me and cried for me and prayed for me and gave me so much more than he or anyone else can ever imagine.

I am so glad I got a chance to tell him that.

I told him not to be scared.

That I pray for him.

That everyone he ever helped prays for him...

I told him not to be scared...

Dear God,

In the name of your blessings,

Revealed upon your messenger,

As mercy unto the universe,

I beseech you accept a prayer,

For all our souls shall submit to you only

Be gentle on his soul, for he salvaged many

Light the darkness for him, he lit the way for many

Make what he hears melodic, and what he smells reek musk

For he mended the most shattered of hearts

And filled them again with trust

Grace him with your ultimate justice

For in life, he stood up to injustice

Receive him with tenderness that is maternal

For you are the source of forgiveness and all that is noble

Regard him with compassion and drape him with your mercy…

For it trickled through him down to countless victims of tyranny

Pity his agony and relieve his woes

He gave so much sympathy

And treated suffering souls

Send him an army of mellow angels

To guide him through his journey home

May their soothing hymns comfort his spirit

And their tender wings embrace him with warmth

Admit him into your divine paradise

Where souls are oblivious to all that is evil

Pardon his sins and ours and the sins of all who he loved

Accept him I beg you into the realm that is peaceful

Where he can see the truth

Where he can be the truth

Take him there I implore you

Amen

THE CAIRO BOMBINGS... BUT CAIRO STABBINGS???

2009-02-28T00:30:00.000+02:00

An American teacher was stabbed close to the bombing site in the Khan el Khalili area... according to Reuter's.

Coincidence?

Apparently not... its just another 'mentally ill' stabbing... This time the victim was an American citizen... coincidence?

The truth is... the bombings couldn't have possibly been Al Qaeda - as in UBL or Zawahri... they could however have been Al Qaeda supporters or followers or even sympathizers...

The truth is it can't be the Brotherhood or the Islamic Jihad or any of these groups... this is because primarily they've been making so much effort kissing the regime's butt to get out of jails with all their renunciations of violence.... still... this doesn't mean that the perpetrators do not have any relations, associations, communications, or interactions with these banned Islamist groups and/or their members... truth is... it could have even been carried out by a 'rogue' member of any of these groups... and it could also have been carried out by a random amatuer handful who could have done it for a number of reasons...

Since those who orchestrated the attacks may very well be amateurs I had hope our police and State Security would be able to catch them... but our police has been arresting Pakistanis and Iranians instead and are just too too slow... but I still had hope.

When I started reading about the stabbing I thought to myself that maybe if the attacks are organized and linked to this stabbing incident and there's a network of people behind them then maybe they'll be caught much easier than if they were random amateurs. But then when I read about the authorities claiming it's a mental case once again my hopes deflated also once again...

rabena yostor 3ala walayah

From Somewhere Deep...

2009-02-26T13:16:00.005+02:00

I want to die

I don't deserve to live...

There's nothing new there... Don't you get tired of this? Not even bored?

I am tired of hating myself...

I hate everything about myself…

I hate how I look…

I hate who I am and how I feel and act and breath and eat…

I hate my creativity… it shines through most in my destructiveness…

I hate my head for it will bring peace, love and prosperity or the demise of all that is.

Still nothing new there...yawn…

I don't deserve love

Why?

How can anyone love me? I don't even love me… I HATE ME! Why should anybody love me? I don't deserve love

What do you deserve? Pain and suffering? Haven't you had enough? Or are you just addicted? Or are you just too used to it? Too scared to change what you expect of yourself? Too scared of failure so you take the easy way out – claiming you can't because you're too weak!

I can't give something I don't have…

I care about people... appreciate them.... worry about them and their safety... maybe even make an effort to do some good here and there every once in a while...

I miss...

I fantasize...

I imagine...

Do you love?

Ask me again...

Do you love?

'Huh?...'

DO YOU LOVE?

Define love

Fuck you!

Fine!
.....

WAIT!

Ask me again!

Do you know how to love?

I was hurt! I have pain! I was lost! I am scared! I have insecurities and fears and paranoias! I gave so much into endless black holes.... As I curled up to lick my scars and soothe my pain I grew bitter. You can taste my bitterness from miles... and I will make no secret of it...

I'M BITTER! I'M SO DAMN BITTER! I'M OUT TO GET YOU MOTHER FUCKERS! ALL YOU MOTHER FUCKERS!!

...

And somewhere along the way... something happened... a sunflower in a field of roses... a caterpillar evolved halfway to a butterfly... a goldfish flushed alive... something... no body knows what... and I turned into a ball of fire... a minefield if you will... enter at your own risk... warning is up...

Nothing new there either... don't u get tired from repeating this crap? You got the attention. You got the scar licking. What more do you want? Get your head out of your ass already!

NOTHING… just peace

PEACE? PEACE YOU SAY??!

You're just dying for some drama so you can satisfy your sick addiction to devastation, damage, and destruction! So you can get so fucking artistically and generously creative in grazing more scars in YOURSELF everyone you know! So you can restart your sick cycle of "boos el wawa"

And that's not even what's so pathetic... what's so pathetic is that below all this you know... but you keep on making excuses... and weaving them into excuses. When all you need to do is face yourself... just once… and let it out… let it all out…

(Struggling...)

(Panting...)

Let it out...
(The hand places itself on the middle of her chest... right on the spot where it hurts...)
Let it out...

...

nehW....When
...rorrim eht ni kool I....I look in the mirror...

...ssenilgu si ees I llA....All I see is ugliness....

...emit eht llA....All the time....

...yhw wonk t'nod I...I don't know why...
...yhw wonk t'nod I I don't know why...

......

It doesn't change… It never changes… I have had it… it drains me…

I don't know where selfishness and guilt meet...

They meet when you wonder
That's why you wonder.

BREAK THE CYCLE

BREAK IT!

STOP MAKING EXCUSES

All that you hate about yourself are the things that happened to you out of your control… and the things you have done that are not you… even if that was you one day… you blamed the world enough… and punished yourself enough… you punished everyone enough… wake up…

Wake up and look at my ugliness? Wake up and look at the mess? Wake up and to continue hating who I am?

You don't even know who you are to hate what you are…

Stop looking for love in the mirror…

Stop being arrogant and listen…

Stop being too proud to need…

Stop being too self-centered to feel…

Make peace with yourself so you can make peace with life and living…

Love yourself for you have earned it… and you deserve it…

And now what?

STOP TYPING AND PONDERING...

TAKE ACTION

Surrender into safety...

PRAYER OF LOSS

2009-01-27T13:37:00.003+02:00

When can you truly say that you lost someone?

When they die?

When they move away?

When they stop loving you?

When they cease to serve the function you had for them in your life?

When can you truly say you lost someone?

When you die? when you stop loving them? when you move away?

Or when you stop serving your function in their life?

When is it that you can say the love is lost?

When someone is so close to you... built parts of you with their hands.... helped heal other parts... broke the chains of misery that bound you... a contributor to most of your memories... when someone is a part of you... when can you truly say you lost them?

Pls God... help me deal with this loss

The pain my beating heart left when in was snatched from my ribcage can only be comforted by you.

BAWAR FOR ZA BEEBOL

2008-12-23T11:26:00.002+02:00

FROM REUTER'S

"CAIRO, Dec 22 (Reuters) - The Egyptian government has chosen Bechtel Power Corp as contractor to design and consult on the country's first nuclear power plant, a statement from the Ministry of Electricity and Energy said on Monday.

Bechtel offered to do the work for around 1 billion Egyptian pounds ($180 million) over a 10-year period, it said.

"It is expected that the company will be invited to discuss the articles of the agreement in preparation for signing the contract," the statement added.
The winning company will choose the technology and the site for the reactors, ensure quality control for the project, train personnel to run the power plant, and provide other technical services until the plant starts operations, it added.
Bechtel will consider five locations for the first nuclear plant, starting with Dabaa on the Mediterranean coast west of Alexandria, the site where the Egyptian government was planning to build a power station in the 1980s, officials said.

Bechtel was competing against six other consortiums, including Australia's WorleyParsons (WOR.AX), Sweden's AF Consult, a consortium of Spain's Iberdrola (IBE.MC) and Empresarios Agrupados, a consortium of Finland's Poyry (POY1V.HE) and Invap of Argentina, a consortium including Belgian Tractebel (TBLE3.SA), and a group of U.S. companies with Egypt's Excel.

Egypt said in October 2007 it would build several civilian nuclear power stations to meet its growing energy needs.

It ratified the nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty in 1981 but said last year it would not sign on to an additional protocol that would give the U.N. nuclear watchdog the right to make intrusive short-notice inspections of nuclear facilities.

Egypt has nuclear cooperation offers from China, Russia, France and Kazakhstan.

($1 = 5.5160 Egyptian pounds)

(Reporting by Ashraf Badr, Writing by Jonathan Wright)""

AIM THE SHOE - فتح عينك - تاكل ملبن

2008-12-22T14:06:00.004+02:00

http://www.kroma.no/2008/bushgame/

I KNOW - TOO CLICHE

BUT FUNNY AS HELL AND FUN TO PLAY

I'D JUST LIKE TO ADD ONE THING:

IT IS BUT A RELAPSE FOR ARABS THAT THROWING A SHOE IS COUNTED AS VICTORY

LOVELY THOUGHTS

2008-12-17T02:08:00.003+02:00

A lovely thought that crosses my mind every time I come here is the feeling of privacy and isolation I feel in this place. This place being my anonymous blog.

The place where I can detach from reality - even though it's called Egypt - The Reality!! I guess by now recurring readers have figured out that I have an unconventional definition of what is real.

Pain is real

Love is real

Hate is real

I guess if you've ever been the subject of either of these you will find a level where you can relate... because I write to highlight a slice of reality... to show others from another angle... I only try to bring it under your eyes... but to believe it or not is a matter I leave completely up to you... you decide.

I really love it here. I miss writing here. I miss writing.

Life changes people, as it changes, and the only constant is change, you let go as you hold on, and you hold on to things you really want to let go... but its worse when you let go of what you should hold on to.

Ideas, dreams, failures, discussions, people, gossip, articles, projects, successes, money, gas, stress, traffic, missed calls, unseen friends, food, sleepless nights, computer screens, long trips, evil smells, professional chaos, political shoes... facts of life... lovely thoughts.

CHOOSE THE TRUE SCENARIO

2008-10-09T11:12:00.004+02:00

SCENARIO ONE: I am the spirit of Isis. I am a ghost. I blog from behind the sarcophagus. I have super powers. I am a goddess. I have a cult. You are my follower. I am not a person. I am an idea. I do not like lairs. I blog for the revolution.

SCENARIO TWO: I am really just the Sandmonkey pretending to be a woman. I have a number of anonymous blogs and I am really one person with many different personalities - all of which are trying to come out. I hear many voices, but don't know which ones to listen to. You are my follower.

SCENARIO THREE: I, the owner of this blog, regardless of what that really means, am chained by ISIS. She possessed me and haunted my spirit. I want to be exorcised of her. Assure me if I dispatch off her I will be OK. Help me and I shall make you my follower. ____________________________________

THE LOVE TEST...continued

If you are silent people will think you agree.

Why do people who know they've screwed you over think they can still be your friends ONLY BECAUSE YOU NEVER CONFRONTED THEM?

Is personal space a threat to love? Is love a threat to personal space?

Does bowing down to another human in love, veneration, idolization, adoration, and admiration, mean you give them credit for granting you life?

If you attribute another human for granting you life... does that mean you attribute your creation to them?

There's a lot I don't know. But I do know one thing. We have come a long way. We have fought against the opposition of others as well as against our own demons. Me and my king... Have answered the First Riddle of the Sphinx.We went through impossible obstacles, where others are literally almost never lucky enough to survive. I see the gates of Thebes opening slowly but surely at the horizon. I see the future with clarity through the blurriness of the present. I also see my Shiva shine his light onto the road, as I guard his confident candle carefully with my sweaty nervous palms.

Without his constant inspiration and the tight bondage of our spirits together, I would have never been able to find the twelve pieces and put them together again. The entire world believes I brought him back from the other side, while I believe that he lived on inside me and inside the hearts of those who loved him. All I did was utilize myself in his servitude. All I did was be there for him like any loyal servant of love. He claims I gave him life, but I say he gave me mine.

He broke the shackles off my ankles with a simple whisper. He slipped my wrists out of their cuffs with a simple breath... and the easiness with which he unwrapped the chains that bound my limbs cast me under his sentimental spell. He gave me my liberty by capturing my heart. My inhibitions were petty dust particles that he blew away with one puff. And all my complexes and fixations were only a knotted fishing line he untied and set free.

I'm not sure what or who I am, but I am sure that he will always show me the way when I'm lost, he'll always shine for me whenever the light weakens its rays, and when it all ends may he take my hand and lead me up the Stairway to Heaven like he does any stairway in the universe.

NEGATIVE SIDE EFFECTS:
My love for him makes me dizzy.

It hasn't ended...

THE DUWEIQA ROCKSLIDE

2008-09-07T03:45:00.005+02:00

SOB7AN ALLAH!! How sarcastically ironic? Only 3 days ago I asked in my last post "whether a 1000 Egyptians had to die for the people to wake up... apparently and unfortunately it looks as though it may take so much more before the people wake up"

I'm starting to wonder if that eerie thought I had was true... because today they counted 40 dead so far when part of the Mokattam cliff broke off, falling on the Duweiqa slums destroying homes, trapping, killing, and injured an unknown number... Check CNN.

Anyways... we'll see what happens...

GLOBAL PATRIOT: THE LATE UPDATE

2008-09-03T14:37:00.003+02:00

Remember this? Remember the Suez boat man who was shot by the US navy contracted vessel the Global Patriot back in March? I updated this story once before when a few news agencies reported it.

Only a few days ago did the US ambassador apologize formally and the embassy paid the victim's family 750,000LE which is around $125,000.

US Ambassador to Egypt, Margaret Scobey, visit the victim's wife, shook her hand, and made up with her after the charges were dropped by the family. She made a statement apologizing for the accident. I just have one question... How come no one said anything about the person who made this accident happen getting any kind of penalty or warning or anything at all? Will this even go on their record? Someone was killed, even if accidentally, and no one even got a slap on the wrist?

You know what's ironic though? That not too far from Suez occurred a horrible catastrophe not too long ago either. And 1000 Egyptians lost their lives in the infamous Salam 98 Ferry incident. And untill today, 2 years later, Mamdouh Ismail, owner of Salam company is at large in London while facing civil charges in Egyptian courts. He was an incumbent member of the Shura Council, the upper house of Egyptian parliament, at the time of the incident. They had his picture on the Shura Council website, but when I checked it today it wasn't on there. Within less than 24 hourse of the drowning of the ferry he was on a plane to the UK. After everything that happened he was acquitted of the criminal charges in the case and only faces civil charges of which he was also acquitted but his aquittal is currently being appealled. I asked if whether a 1000 Egyptians had to die for the people to wake up... apparently and unfortunately it looks as though it may take so much more before the people wake up.

Point of irony is: If we don't respect our own selves we teach the world not to respect us. And still the Americans gave the Suez victim a bigger financial retribution than any of the ferry victims got from Mamdouh Ismail.

RAMADAN RETURNS!!

2008-09-01T01:37:00.002+02:00

I thank God this year for:

1) Giving me love

2) Giving me my love

3) Giving me the opportunity to give love

4) Allowing me to finally Graduate

5) Giving me career opportunities

6) Helping me stay on the 'right' path

7) Keeping me healthy... even though I have a torn cartilage in my knee.

8) Keeping my loved ones healthy... not counting some age and stress related diseases and a few 'Summer' injuries.

9) Giving me great friends

10) Granting humanity the great invention of Freon

Was challenging myself to find ten things to thank God for and I found many. There are a few surprises coming up. It's the first day of Ramadan. Read last year's post titled "Does Masturbation Break Ramadan Fasting?" but keep your sense of humor close.

Happy Ramadan everyone and listen to this Ramadan melody:

DEATH OF A PRINCESS

2008-08-19T02:42:00.003+03:00

Death of a Princess is a must see for all..

This is the link is part one of the movie.

Part 2 to part 12 can be found here.

A nice piece written about it here.

Watch it and drop me a comment...

Other than that, Summer is going really cool... many surprises coming up!

Stay tuned...

ENJOY ZA MOVIE YA REENA!

FEMINIST AL WALEED BIN TALAL

2008-08-16T06:56:00.003+03:00

I came across this documentary while ironically trying to find scenes from the "Death of A Princess" on Youtube. This is only part of the documentary but it shows the efforts Prince Al Waleed is exerting for the liberation of Saudi women.

What was more interesting to me than the documentary was the title the poster used:أنظروا يا أبناء الحرمين كيف حول آل سعود نسائكم إلى جواري !؟
The person who posted the video accuses the prince of turning Saudi Women into concubines and not praising him for liberating them. Amazing how differently two people can see the same thing.

What is also interesting was the amount of people who attacked the prince for these efforts. Its all the in the comments.

Freedom for women!

THE LOVE TEST II

2008-07-18T12:45:00.004+03:00

The Test of Love has began and yesterday the first question of The Sphinx's Riddle was posed for solving. I am so grateful to the Gods it went OK. The feedback was positive, an agreement was reached with The Sphinx… but ‘settlement’ better describes it since we had to opt for a few things we won’t enjoy and other things that will take a lot of effort that we’re completely ready for. Behold the liberation of Thebes!

The story of our love goes way WAY back. We saw each other through childhood and adolescence, through great happy times and morbid bleak ones, through crashing at rock bottom and bouncing back up with full momentum. He knew me through my chubby, nerdy, bushy eye-browed years when he was the star of middle school. He knew me through my years of reckless experimentation with different stimuli ranging from human beings to substance. He knew me through my mistakes and misfortunes. He knew me and loved me at my worst as well as at my best.

I knew him through his super star athlete days, through his womanizing days, through 4 years of his ex girlfriend. The same 4 years I was with my bastard ex. I too know his worst as he knows mine. There was always something, a spark that existed ever since the innocent days. But through the years, we turned our backs to it several times. Whenever the spark was resurrected we’d leave it un-nourished and it would fade, but it never died. Until we recently found each other again through a highly improbable coincidence, the spark’s roots survived the years. It survived years of being buried under layers of unintended separation from one another, car accidents, sickness, surgeries, plates, and rods, casual meaningless hook ups, and other serious but destructive ones, layers of loosing friends, and making new ones, years of new jobs and old jobs, it was buried under layers of life. It was buried, but it survived. The second we saw each other after 3 years of separation the spark became alive with light and bloomed like spring in a second.

On the first night we ran into each other I said something very hurtful to him… I didn’t mean it. But no matter how much he says other wise I know it hurt him… because saying it hurt me too. And that night few tears trickled to my pillow. He drove off the second I said it and the screech of his first gear crushed me inside. I told a mutual friend who was present to apologize to him for me because I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean to I swear, but sometimes my defense mechanisms project my insecurities on others. I was sorry, I still am, and he accepted my apology, and let me back in and the rest is history… or maybe it’s not as simple as history, but that will be another post.

Ever since that night he reassured me out of all my doubt, fears, and reluctance. He set me free from most of what chains my heart, mind, body, and soul, except a few more shackles he’s still working on. But surely even if slowly we’ll go together to a place where we can fly without wings and enrich our love after he breathed life into me.

We meet every night in our dreams. Last night, when we were indulging each other at the feet of a large Mohamed Ali statue overlooking the old city from the citadel, a wave of overwhelming ecstasy whirled over me, humbling all my notions of pride and arrogance, making me see how truly small and powerless I am in front of love, flooding my eyes with the happiest tears ever shed.

We will kill The Sphinx

Our love will conquer the world

And Thebes will bear our fruit

It hasn't ended...

THE LOVE TEST

2008-07-15T01:36:00.005+03:00

Time is the real test for love... It's the only thing that can test for durability and endurance in love. And hard times are the only thing that can test how real love is... any love... hard times are the only thing that can filter real love from un-real love. Hard times test the strength of love. If love is weak, or not really love, hard times will scar it easily, oozing out its soft insides bit by bit until it's depleted and exists no more. Hard times may also snap love down the middle, separating the two halves once and for all.

Hard times are like lifting weights. If love has enthusiasm, motivation, determination, and faith, it will fight for it's existence, will push the bar and gain enough momentum to go through anything. If love lacks the aforementioned, it won't make it through the first set of necessary hardships. But under all circumstances, going through and out of Hard Times makes love stronger by building its muscles, increasing its capacity, nourishing its ability to tolerate and suppress pain.

The Hard Times are here. They came so much sooner than we expected, even though we planned for them. They crept up on us in the middle of the night and woke us up in a tantrum of opposition. The Greek Sphinx (not the Egyptian one) that terrorizes Thebes, and devours those who fail to answer its riddle, has cornered us and ambushed our union. And now we either solve her riddle or she will snatch our beating hearts from our chests. But if we solve it, and we will, the Sphinx will kill herself in our honor, and the gates of Thebes will open up and receive our victory with glory, where me and my king will reign and live forever.

He knows me like no one ever attempted to. He knows by heart the maps of my heart, mind, and soul. He can see me with his eyes closed and I see his face in front of me everywhere I look, like a fridge magnet hung up in the corner of my cornea. I never believed in the notion of a soul mate until he became mine. And this is because our souls are held together with a divine finger. All the signs point to an eternal paradise where no one and nothing exists except our oneness.

We both agreed that mere words, man made words, are impotent when it comes to describing our feelings. Even the word "Love" falls short of including all that we feel. What we found together is so much more than chemical reactions in the brain that attract two people to each other. What we found in each other is indescribable. And even though I know he 'Loves' me, I seriously doubt he or anyone else for that matter can imagine what he is and what he symbolizes to me. He is comfort and relief of all pain. He is stability, balance, and when we are together the entire universe is in equilibrium. I wish that my presence gives him the inner peace that the simple idea of him gives me.

I never told him this, but when our bodies are close and intertwined, when we are in a state of togetherness, I spy on his heart. I listen in to his heartbeats and to me it is the sound of the universe calling out in happiness. When he inhales a breath, I stand by waiting anxiously for it to come out of his lips so I can breath it in, and when I do my entire being peaks with pleasure that is almost religious in its spirituality. And this is when we are whole - as one. When we hold hands the birds actually don't stop singing and celebrating in ecstasy. Please tell me how can the mere word love even attempt to describe that? it can't, because it really is so much more than love.

To me he is life, because without him, everything is dead.

From Somewhere Far...

2008-07-01T15:36:00.006+03:00

""One day not so long ago life seemed normal. Everything was going in the way it usually does when something happened that changed history forever. On a hot seemingly normal Cairo summer morning, a large segment of the 6th of October bridge suddenly collapsed killing hundreds and destroying the homes of thousands. No one was held accountable and no reparations of any kind were paid to anybody. They would only admit to the incident being fate, the will of God, and the people were instructed to complain to God. While some accepted that as a satisfactory explanation, some did not, and rebelled. The rebels rose up everywhere, from Alexandria to Aswan, but were persecuted and shunned, the peaceful of them and the armed. The determined of them did not give up and confrontations between them and the ruling party flared up everywhere in the country, spreading chaos and mayhem, while the majority of the people who had little idea what was going on were scared, hungry, and needed protection...""

....

"In love = in pain
The pain that you feel when the person you love is not in your arms
The pain you feel when you miss them
The pain you feel when you kiss them... knowing that the kiss is constrained by the limits of time and space.

He knows me best...
He's the one who knows me most...
He was there through it all

Ended up together
Ended?
We're just beginning!
"Fuck you" - Isis

I wish I could kill Isis... There is so much I want to say but I can't because of 'ISIS'. I wish I haven't said so much. Even by being anonymous I am compromised, and by being compromised, I am not anonymous. Sometimes I wish I was really ISIS. But I'm not... at least not to me.

I'm sorry

I hate me too"

- From Somewhere Far

HAPPY 2ND BIRTHDAY!

2008-06-17T13:38:00.001+03:00

THIS BLOG IS TWO YEARS OLD AS OF JUNE 15TH

1/4 GRAM

2008-06-08T13:16:00.006+03:00

You guys! This is a post I've been waiting so long to write, and finally I have the time. "1/4 Gram" is the story of how a quarter of a gram affects the the lives of a group of friends. Essam Youssef tells us the story of Salah and his friends in an extremely well-woven 650 page true life account. The story that quickly became Virgin Megastores' numero uno best seller, is a story of pleasure, good times, adventure, and the pain, suffering, and agony that come as a price. The 100% true to life events of the novel take place over a period of about ten years that start with Salah and his friends sharing 0.25g of Heroin on New Year's Eve as teenagers and ends with Salah the protagonist entering rehab and getting treatment. What is in the middle is how this '1/4 Gram' affected, ruined, and ended several lives.

Now this is cool on so many levels. First of all, Essam Youssef capturing the lives of these real addicts brings so many new things to the table. It is a pioneer work that portrays the problem of addiction, not only realistically, but also accurately with no exaggeration or toning down of any sort. It gives it to you raw and as it really is. Our loving society has always, not only viewed addicts as criminal lost causes, but furthers this with portraying them as such in the media.

The one movie in Egyptian cinema history titled "The Addict" فيلم المدمن (starring late Ahmed Zaki) is, putting the dramatic value aside, a shamelessly ridiculous, even offensive portrait of addiction as a disease and as a social phenomenon. Only lately has society felt the implications of drug addiction, when it was really hit hard. And 1/4 Gram, in my opinion, not only breaks new ground in being the first literary work of this magnitude to take on the issue of addiction head on, but 1/4 Gram will be made into a movie that will also break new ground on the big screen.

1/4 Gram is a story, as described by the author, that has 3 main developments in the plot: the beginning or 'the calling' - the rock bottom hit - and ends on a positive note of hope. And when the author took the responsibility that comes with talent and decided to inform and change stereotypes, he also acted on his duty to inform others that there is a solution - and that addiction is a persistent disease, subject to relapse, and treatment is lifelong - but there's a way out for addicts and addicts have recovered in the past.

To be honest I can not wait until the movie comes out. I read the book in a record breaking time - it was an emotional roller coaster. I literally laughed out loud reading 1/4 Gram, and cried too. For me, it was different. It was not informative and insightful like it is for everybody. For me it was familiar and expressive, reminiscent and at times painful and frustrating to go on... just like the life of an addict. When you interact with any production created by someone else that expresses your feelings that closely, it is soothing or cathartic on one note, but very emotionally momentous and intellectually intense on the other. Reading this story was like reading a story I already know or the stories of so many in my life and around it. In a way I read about myself in 1/4 Gram even though I don't fit into the mold of any particular character, I have part of them all in me, and they all have some of me in them.

As a whole, reading 1/4 Gram for me was a very intense experience. It wasn't even like reading any old book about addiction and/or recovery, it was more specific, it was in the same cultural setting, and even in the very same city, same streets, more or less same places of association, same dilemmas, same experiences - it was all very similar and I hereby confirm the trueness of the events of 1/4 Gram - even though I'm not in it.

What I liked most about 1/4 Gram, is that it explains exceptionally well and very simply the development of how and why a person may become a drug addict. It shows and demonstrates simply and men el akher why some people come to love drugs. Why they get attracted to them, why they fall in love with them, develop emotional dependencies on them, enter into lop sided abusive relationships with them, and how they eventually either destroy the person, kill him/her, or end him/her up in jail. It shows you and you live it with Salah and his story. And it also sheds the light on the way out.

I guess no one can truly comprehend and understand unless they're there. And that's what 1/4 Gram is all about. Hopefully the book and the movie when it comes out change the stereotype of the addict in society's eyes. The last piece of news I heard is that Essam Youssef announced that he began on writing the sequel - what will it be titled? "Another 1/4 Gram"?? we'll have to wait and see.

NOT ENOUGH TIME

2008-06-02T15:27:00.003+03:00

I finally finished school. I am no longer an undergraduate student. I may proceed with one of the multiple plans I had and go to Law school. It would be here at Cairo Uni though.

And by the way... In Al Masry El Youm, a couple of days ago, a USAID funded LLM Program, or Master of Laws, from the University of Indiana School Of Law is being taught at Cairo and Alexandria Universities... hmm.. interesting.

I may proceed with other plans and drop others... still don't know... everything still seems blurry. I feel like there is not enough hours in the day for what I want to do... There is so much I want to do and have been putting off for years, but I'll start with cleaning my room - and I don't just mean sweeping the floor, I mean reconstruction. So I'll clean my room and start a new life.

I'm not excited that I'm finally graduating as much as I'm relieved. I feel I can do the 'real world' better... or just more conveniently... For starters there's at least one million things I wanna post about. And another million things I wanna read more about. And not to mention starting physiotherapy for my knee so I can work out again, I feel I have an old person's knee, not a 24 year old's.

This year it is my golden birthday - I'll be turning 24 on the 24th of July... It would've been cool if it was the year 2424 though - yeah that would've been nice... but anyways... I was born and what happened happened.

Since I finished my finals I contracted the worst case of food poisoning ever - it has been going around though - I had a fever, but feeling better now... I'm just relieved my grades came out and I passed all my courses and I'll be aiming at paradise when I throw my graduation cap!! woohoo!!

So many plans and projects to work on... so little time... don't know what to start with, but I know one thing - I wanna bum around for a while first, then I'll take on the 'real world'... hope the 'real world' is ready for me!

EGYPTIAN DERVISH

2008-05-27T15:14:00.001+03:00

Much funkier than the Turkish ones who wear white...

WHAT IS LOVE?

2008-05-26T05:29:00.001+03:00

DEAR READERS...

2008-05-20T15:31:00.003+03:00

Some of the material on this blog has been removed due to potential copyright matters. I hope I haven't caused any inconveniences and my apologies for any caused.

Posting will resume as soon as I finish my finals. You deserve more than any 'half-hearted' posting.

ISIS

FROM APRIL 6TH TO MAY 4TH

2008-04-14T02:08:00.004+02:00

First - I would like to comment about April 6th and its aftermath. Many people were arrested, some released, and some facing charges... some still detained, and some as good as kidnapped and disappeared. On Saturday some volunteer lawyers brought a petition to the Public Prosecutor's office filing a complaint about all the violations - updates at Hisham Mubarak. This was expected. What wasn't expected was the loss of life. Here is a great detailed account of what happened in Mahalla and one of the slain victims, by Inanities, and here is a video account in Arabic by Wael Abbas. Now the question has become are you ready to die? Before April 6th it was mostly are you ready to get arrested or assaulted or tortured or beaten for your rights. Now the question became are you ready to die to be heard?

Second, I would like to highlight some of the goals that I think April 6th achieved and where I believe it failed. First I believe that even though the regime took several measures to suppress activists and politicians or any organized strike from actually taking place that day - it still could not suppress the people who, like in Mahalla, simultaneously broke out into mass demonstrations and protests, publicity assured that voices were in fact heard. Second the government did take action, even if only artificial and send a delegation of ministers to Ghazl El Mahalla factory and the prime minister himself granted them bonuses, so a response was retrieved somehow, which is another thing that proves they were intimidated.Third, I reiterate that it was supposed to be a non violent strike - which is a constitutional right disregarding Emergency Laws - which took a non expected turn ending up with people dying. However shit happens - always has and always will, and no fight for freedom has ever been easy. The question remains though if this will inspire the government to take some effective action regarding the demands behind the strike - which were mainly prices, wages, corruption, & lack of accountability - did they die in vain? I guess that is a question we should only ask ourselves.

This brings me to my next point - The good thing about this strike is that yet another live example that shows us how cowardly the Muslim Brothers are. This is because they decided to join the April 6th campaign for publicity, then 2 days before it they decided to withdraw and renounce any responsibility of what may happen. The first thing that proves to us that they only care about themselves and not Egypt is that when they got in parliament they didn't do shit, all they complained about was Gaza and Hijab. Way to go... And as we come closer to May 4th they have announced their boycott of it. Either way, we don't need them - keda a7san. I hope they stay out of politics forever and ever. The only visible supporters of the call for May 4th are so far Kefaya, 3Amal Party, maybe Ghad party (Which Esraa belongs to), some bloggers, and of course Facebook.

What I would like to comment on next is international solidarity.Apparently people are expressing their solidarity in Austria, Turkey, Greece, New York, UK, Canada... all over the place (From Arabawy's here & here). Also there will be a solidarity meeting in Beirut organized by a group of leftist activists on Wednesday, April 16th at 7pm (details here Sursock). Lets not put those people down.

More on all this later...

IT HAS BEGUN

2008-04-11T00:41:00.005+02:00

Tensions on borders... exactly what we need.

George Ishaq, Kefaya leader, was arrested after police raided and searched his home... Read about it and other coverage, photos, videos, and updates of Mahalla news, victims, detainees and aftermath at the April 6th Blog (arabic).For legal updates on arrests, the detained, their defenses, locations, charges, and updates by lawyers' check Hisham Mubarak' website. Can you believe the girl who created the April 6th Facebook group got arrested?? shit... this really scares them silly!

Arabawy, (English) as usual, extensive coverage from many sources, where apparently James Buck, an American Journalist is being held in custody in Mahalla Thursday night, US embassy told him there isn't 'anything we can do for you'... Also check out Wael Abbas's first hand coverage in Arabic.

There is a call for journalists, activists, bloggers, and just about anyone who's interested to head out to Mahalla on Friday, April 11th, in solidarity with the workers, protesters, detainees and their families:

from Manalaa.net

إخواننا في المحلة الكبرى يواجهون منذ يومين أكبر حملة قمع وترويع، لقد نزل أهالي المحلة لوسط المدينة ليتظاهروا سلمياً ضد الفساد والغلاء فواجهتهم قوات الأمن بالعنف، بالقنابل المسيلة للدموع والأسلحة النارية، ونتج عن هذا القمع الأمنى المنفلت عشرات الجرحى، وعلى الأقل حالة وفاة مؤكدة وموثقة لطفل، ثم تم القبض على المئات من أهالى المحلة وبدأ توزيع التهم عليهم بشكل عشوائى، وتحاول أجهزة الأمن عزل المحلة ومحاصرتها حصاراً مادياً ونفسياً، فهل نترك المحلة الكبرى تواجه القمع والترويع وحدها؟

إننا ندعو كل المصريين الشرفاء لمؤازرة إخوانهم في المحلة،
بارسال تلغرافات العزاء الى أسرة الطفل أحمد على محمد حماد (منشية الجمهورية/المستعمرة/مدينة العمال/ البوابة الأولى)،
بارسال خطابات الاحتجاج الى الصحف،
بارسال خطابات الاحتجاج الى المسئولين،
بالتطوع للدفاع عن المتهمين وحضور التحقيقات اذا كنت محاميا،
بدفع نقابتك لتنظيم القوافل الطبية اذا كنت طبيبا،
وغير ذلك كثير مما يمكن أن نبدعه من أشكال التضامن.

يمكن أيضا للقادرين أن يتوجهوا فى مجموعات بسيارتهم الخاصة لزيارة المحلة لفك الحصار الأمني والمعنوي عنها، وسوف تقوم مجموعة أعضاء هيئة التدريس والأطباء والصحفيين والفنانين، بزيارة المحلة صباح يوم الجمعة 11 أبريل ونحن نرحب بأن ينضم الينا من يرغب.

وليكن لقاءنا عند مدخل طريق طنطا المحلة فى الساعة الحادية عشرة من صباح الجمعة 11 ابريل.

لنحاصر الذين يحاصرون إخواننا في المحلة ولنشعر أهالي المحلة أن مصر كلها معهم.

للاتصال والتنسيق:

د. ليلى سويف، قسم الرياضيات، بكلية العلوم جامعة القاهرة lsoueif@yahoo.com
د. هانى الحسينى، قسم الرياضيات، بكلية العلوم جامعة القاهرة hhosseiny@yahoo.com
محمول:0105215108

____________________________________________________________________

Other than that there is a call to hold a sit-in protesting with the April 6th victims and detainees. In front of Dar El Qadaa El 3aly - or Supreme Judicial Court - Is'af area, Ramsis - on Saturday, April 12th, at 12:00pm - 1:00pm:

From Socialist Studies Center:

تضامنا مع ضحايا ومعتقلي يوم 6 أبريل

on Wed, 09/04/2008 - 22:21. ( )

Start: 12/04/2008 - 12:00

End: 12/04/2008 - 13:00

وق فة احتجاجية أمام دار القضاء العالي

تضامنا مع ضحايا ومعتقلي يوم 6 أبريل

من عمال ومواطنين في المحلة الكبرى والقاهرة وغيرهما من المدن

تدعو اللجنة الشعبية للتضامن مع عمال المحلة

المواطنين المصريين من كل القوى الوطنية

للمشاركة في الوقفة الاحتجاجية

أمام دار القضاء العالي

يوم السبت الموافق 12 أبريل

في تمام الساعة الثانية عشرة ظهراً

أمام دار القضاء العالي بالإسعاف

وسوف تقوم مجموعة من المحامين ضمن لجنة الدفاع عن المتهمين بإعداد مذكرة قانونية تقدم للنائب العام،

تطالب فيها بسرعة الإفراج عن المقبوض عليهم وضرورة فتح التحقيق في حادثة مقتل الطفل أحمد الذي ثبت إصابته بطلق ناري حي منطلقة من سلاح ميري يخص رجال الداخلية .

تعال و ادع كل معارفك.. علشان تنقذ اخواتك

اللجنة الشعبية للتضامن مع عمال غزل المحلة
____________________________________________________

THE MAY 4TH CALL

IT HAS BEGUN

2008-04-10T20:47:00.002+02:00

A DEDICATION

2008-04-10T20:37:00.002+02:00

"Spider's Web"

(Katie Melua)

If a black man is racist, is it okay?
When it's the white man's racism that made him that way,
Because the bully's the victim they say,
By some sense they're all the same.

Because the line between,
Wrong and right,
Is the width of a thread,
From a spider's web.
The piano keys are black and white,
But they sound like a million colours in your mind.

I could tell you to go to war,
Or I could march for peace and fighting no more,
How do I know which is right,
And I hope he does when he sends you to fight.

Because the line between wrong and right,
Is the width of a thread from a spider's web,
The piano keys are black and white,
But they sound like a million colours in your mind.

Should we act on a blame?
Or should we chase the moments away?
Should we live?
Should we give?
Remember forever the guns and the feathers in time.
Because the line between wrong and right,
Is the width of a thread from a spider's web,
The piano keys are black and white,
But they sound like a million colours in your mind.
The piano keys are black and white,
But they sound like a million colors in your mind,
But they sound like a million colors in your mind

I posted this for you... I cried when I heard it because it made me think of you and the pain you must be feeling... The truth is we all cry for suffering... but is it prejudice when you cry more for the suffering of your own? The line between wrong and right is 'the width of a thread from a spider's web' as Katie said...

with love

IT HAS BEGUN

2008-04-08T14:24:00.006+02:00

(AFP)

Hamada - the 15 year old Mahalla Martyr.

Joel Beinin, who I will applaud the next time I see, reports from Mahalla.

Last night PM Nazif, Aisha Abdel Hady, the minister of labor and immigration, and a delegation of other ministers showed up unannounced in Mahalla where they decided to hold a huge abrupt press conference parts of which were broad cast by Al Qahera Al Youm, where they announced benefits for the Ghazl El Mahalla factory workers.

Its not just about this one factory's 25,000 workers - its bigger than that. Not all the protesters were workers - most of them were protesting unemployment and shitty life conditions.
Mahalla City Counsel elections were all declared a win for NDP Candidates
Cuz Muslim Brothers boycotted the elections - cuz I guess they all got arrested there was no one of them left to go...

Arabawy (whose blog is one of my secret addictions) reports on this Al Badeel article that tells a story of a journalist who, to get past the heavy police presence laying siege on the hospital, disguised himself as a doctor to sneak into the Mansoura Hospital where most of the injured were taken. And he tells us what he sees inside. (arabic link)

The police breaking their own car and scapegoating the 'savage people' in Mahalla...
The savage people of Mahalla who kept shooting teargas at themselves...
Who used live bullets on their own...
Gat'hom seteen neela - bahayem!!

___________________________________________________

4 are dead so far

It is no less than an uprising...

I salute the people of Mahalla who proved to have the biggest balls of us all..

People who don't demand their rights don't deserve them...

The leftists are calling it an Intifada...

Extensive coverage and thorough updates at Arabawy's and some at Sandmonkey's as well...

I can't wait until May 4th... we should give him the 'biggest birthday present'...

TODAY'S STRIKE

2008-04-06T11:23:00.003+02:00

Arrests are being made left and right... no attempts to demonstrate... Tahrir is a fortress... Activists were arrested from their homes starting last night... I will go down town in a little bit to 'run some errands'... If there's anything interesting I'll blog about it. A friend told me the police are reserving the right to check your ID and search you if you choose to leave your house. Sandmonkey has details..

On a relevant note, Al Jazeera reported last night that Egyptian security apparatus are searching for alleged Sudanese persons carrying explosives into Egypt from the South - Aswan - and that they have not yet been found. Make the link - you're smart enough.

HONOR CRIME ALERT: FACEBOOK CAUSES DEATH

2008-04-05T23:10:00.003+02:00

I REFUSE TO COMMENT

DongA.com reports:

""A debate is rising over “honor murder” following a case that belatedly revealed that a young Saudi Arabian woman was killed by her father for chatting on the Internet social network site, Facebook.

British daily Telegraph quoted Monday’s Middle East news sites including al-Arabiya as saying, “Social networking sites, like Facebook, are causing social strife in the Islamic nation and the incident is an example.”

According to the report by al-Arabiya, a Saudi woman was beaten and shot by her father after being caught while chatting with a man on Facebook.

This is a typical case of honor murder whereby a woman, discovered to associate with another man, is murdered by her family members as punishment for “denigrating the honor of family.” Punishable acts, once limited to offline relationships, such as having a kiss, sleeping together, and sharing a table, have now expanded to online relations.

The tragic incident, which had remained concealed for some time, was revealed to the media when Saudi preacher Ali al-Maliki began criticizing Facebook, claiming the network as a “door to lust.” Maliki said, “These days, young women and men are spending more on their mobile phones and the Internet than they do on food." He went on to argue that those sites that destroy Islamic culture should be shut down to stem social strife. He sternly warned women frequenting Facebook to stop visiting the site.

Facebook is now estimated to have more than 30,000 users in Saudi Arabia. A majority of them use nicknames and post drawings on their pages instead of photographs. Because of this, some have dubbed this the “Faceless” network.

Islam religious leaders blame social networking sites for becoming a hotbed for homosexuals and a place for obscene material. Following Syria’s lead, which banned access to Facebook last November, some Islamic countries have stepped up Internet censorship and are cracking down on those operating the sites.

Muslim women, however, are standing up against these harsh measures. One female journalist said, “The Internet is an outlet where women let out their pent-up emotions and an avenue where they can associate with youth around the world to learn diverse cultures.” She added, “Though authorities ban access to Facebook, we will continue to visit similar social network sites.”"""

WHY ARE MEN SO ARROGANT?

2008-04-03T19:44:00.002+02:00

Is it arrogance or is he just too shy to speak to me? He spoke to me once before... Does he think its my turn to make a move? Does he think I'm actually gonna go and speak to him?? If he does then he got it wrong... He should make more effort... Its only speaking!... that's the point right? He keeps eyeing me in class the entire time and I keep catching him... He's originally Middle Eastern.. I can tell that from his features... and his name... and his thick black silky flowing hair... But he is all-American. He was even talking about how much he liked Christian Bale in American Psycho... Maybe it is just arrogance...

APRIL 6TH: "STAY HOME TO SPEAK OUT"

2008-04-03T19:01:00.002+02:00

There has been criticisms facing the proposed April 6th Civil Strife. First of all if you are a transportation worker for example a cab driver, a public bus driver, a microbus driver, or a metro driver or worker, if you strike all at once you would have an impact because everybody else will be going to work etc and public transportation will be paralyzed. But when you're asking everybody to stay home at the same time you must realize that it would not have an impact, except a purely symbolic and expressive one, if it worked... but since if half the population participated it would be a success more than the organizers can hope for and it would be noted and felt and the sense of solidarity would breath again through the people... it has to start somewhere...

But come to think about it - it is the only think that may actually work. For example everybody is either poor or oppressed or both. People are scared to take action, but they want their voices to be heard. Opposition is unrepresentative and weak. Any effort by the Muslim Brotherhood for organizing even just to protest gets aborted and suppressed by the police... since they are the most organized and all... So people are willing to do something that won't get them in trouble, but would express how miserable they are because of the poverty, injustice, and the deprivation of freedom. So maybe step by step Egyptian society may civilly resurrect... As if anyone would do it... but hey, people who don't ask for their rights do not deserve them right?

I personally will take this as an excuse to skip class... Why not? It's not like I have anything better to do right?... Actually I heard classes will be canceled... Lots of students will be absent that midterms are being postponed.... Hell yeah! Postpone the midterms you fuckers! That will show them! Anarchy! Down with Mubarak! Ay 7aga fi ay 7etta!! Heh agaza!

GLOBAL PATRIOT INCIDENT: UPDATE

2008-04-03T14:50:00.011+02:00

(Reuters: 3/27/08 Ismailia)

Since I wrote about this issue I feel it is my obligation to report to you the most recent developments in the story. But before I do that, I would like to report on a historical post written by my good friend, if not the best ever, the Sandmonkey. The reason why his post, titled "SOMEONE HAS TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE", is so monumental is because it may very well be the only post where he takes an Anti-U.S. stance. Everyday I pray for him and for the salvation of his soul. Rabena yehdeeh weynawwar baserto - ya monkey ya ebn el set ommo monkey. zaghraty yammo samee7a.

I would also like to celebrate his nationalism and quote him when he says:

""Now, dear American readers, If you don't get why I am so pissed off at this, I want you to imagine if this was an Egyptian vessel leaving one of your ports, and the Egyptian crew ended up accidentally shooting a poor American boat-hand, and then the US government let the crew go without detention or punishment, hell, not even an investigation. I want you to imagine what Your media would do with the story of his wife and kids and his handicapped brother. I want you to imagine the amount of outrage the American public would have towards the current administration who allowed this to go unpunished in the name of international diplomacy and alliances. Are you there? Ok, cause that's how Egypt is like right now. This is how anti-Americanism is born, bred and nurtured, and it's not all the faults of governments needing an enemy or irrational hatred caused by clerics. It's precisely because of events like that.""

Moving on...

Since the incident:

Out of 3 stories reporting the incident, USAToday reports that:

" Egypt's foreign minister said his country is upset by the accidental killing of an Egyptian citizen by a U.S. Navy-contracted ship in the Suez Canal, and called the incident "unacceptable," the state-run-news agency reported.

Ahmed Aboul Gheit's comments were Egypt's first official response to the incident, which occurred Monday when a navy-contracted ship fired warning shots at approaching motor boats in the Suez Canal.

"Egyptian ports are not open fields for gunfire," the Middle East News Agency quoted Aboul Gheit as saying Wednesday evening in Luxembourg. "We are upset by this incident, which is unacceptable, and we are waiting to see the results of the military prosecutor to get a complete idea for what happened."

The Navy expressed regret for the incident Wednesday and promised to take care of the victim's family. President Bush also called Egypt's President Hosni Mubarak Thursday morning.

"President Bush expressed his deep regret and sympathies for the incident in the Suez Canal and said the United States will fully investigate this," National Security Council spokesman Gordon Johndroe told reporters aboard Air Force One while accompanying Bush on a flight to Dayton, Ohio.

- USAToday 3/27/08

On March 30th , Al Masry Al Youm reported that:

""The American Ambassador in Cairo Francis Ricciardone visited the day before yesterday the family of Mohammed Fouad Afifi, the fisherman who died last Monday after the American vessel "Global Patriot" shot the motorboat he was riding with three other fishermen in the port of Suez.

Ricciardone extended his condolences to the wife of Fouad and his brothers in the family residence at the village of Abu Arif, al-Ganayin district. He also expressed the US government’s apology for the accident.

Fathia Fouad Afifi, sister of the victim, denied what was broadcasted by some American newspapers of the decision of the Executive Bodies to assign an exceptional pension to the victim's wife and children, and what was announced of the US government paying compensation to his family.

The families of the victim demanded that the US soldier who shot the bullets be quickly prosecuted. Meanwhile, the victim's wife and his brothers refused the apology of the US President George Bush expressed to President Mubarak. His wife said: "The apology will not bring my husband back to life and will not raise my small kids who are now orphans." """

- Al Masry Al Youm, 3/30/2008

Where publicity by the Egyptian government regarding this incident is almost non existent, GulfNews reports:

""Since the Global Patriot was not boarded or detained it's unlikely we will ever know the truth but it seems to me that the incident has set a disturbing precedent.

US vessels can go around the world shooting and killing innocent citizens of allied countries within their own territory without any comeback. Indeed, the tragedy didn't even fall into the category of diplomatic incident.

In this case, the US Navy cites self-defence in light of the attack on the USS Cole that was harbored off Aden in 2000. But there is a difference.

The USS Cole is a Navy Guided Missile Destroyer not a merchant vessel like M.V. Global Patriot. Moreover, didn't Mohammad Fouad and his injured friends have as much right as the Global Patriot's crew to life and limb?

This incident is just another example of the cavalier way in which the US military treats non-American lives. We've witnessed this over and over again in Afghanistan and Iraq where families have been incinerated for driving too close to US Army vehicles, entire villages were bombed under suspicion they were harbouring "terrorists" and wedding parties wiped out all because of celebratory gunfire.

Those tragedies, too numerous to list here, are shocking enough but if one was disposed to give the US military the benefit of the doubt - which by the way I'm not - it could be argued mistakes occur in a war zone.

But the Suez Canal is nowhere near any war zone and the Egyptians are scrupulous in patrolling their vital economic lifeline to eliminate terrorist threats.

In a global system of justice that didn't operate on the basis of might is right, whoever killedFouad should be handed over to the Egyptian government or to the International Court in The Hague to face trial. This is, of course, pie in the sky.

Why would the International Court get involved in the right and wrongs as to the death of one man even if the US hadn't reneged on its promise to abide by its jurisdiction? Surely its focus is on trying the perpetrators of war crimes and genocide?

But wait! I must be mistaken. The Hague is to receive $60 million from UN member nations to try the killers of the former Lebanese prime minister Rafik Hariri when and if they are named by a UN enquiry. And that sum will just about cover the first year's costs.

The latest report issued by the Hariri enquiry suggests a criminal gang is behind his assassination, which, if true, means the Hague tribunal will probably rank as the most expensive criminal trial in history. This wasn't, of course, the plan.

The countries that are pouring their taxpayers' money into exacting justice for the Lebanese politician and entrepreneur are not so much interested in prosecuting murderous thugs as seeing Syria in the dock. Unfortunately for them, far from implicating Syria, the report has praised Damascus for its cooperation.

So here it is. The US gets away with the murder of a poor Egyptian boatman whose only crime was to hawk his cigarettes near an American cargo vessel in order to feed his wife and two children.

(And Handicapped brother)

On the other hand, Syria, whose role in the death of Hariri is entirely unproven and vehemently denied, is under UN scrutiny and the shadow of a special tribunal at The Hague.

The message is clear. All men are not equal in the eyes of the law and neither are all nations. Would an Egyptian vessel have been allowed to continue its journey out of New York after shooting an American? Would the Global Patriot have dared fire on a Chinese boat off Hong Kong? You decide.

Linda S. Heard is a specialist writer on Middle East affairs.

GulfNews 4/1/08

In my humble opinion I think nothing will happen... the US Senate has not even ratified the UN Convention on the Law of the Sea, which addresses internal waters… let alone the Rome Statute - the one establishing the International Criminal Court. I guess they knew what they were doing when they didn't ratify those things... But there was a day in the 50's when Nazi SS officers were tried at a special, first of its kind, international tribunal called Nuremberg established especially for them... And long before the ICC was established international tribunals like those of the Former Yugoslavia and Rwanda were set up to try war criminals... Heads of states were arrested without regard to immunity and tried as Pinochet to say the least... Sooner or later justice must be served to the weak and voiceless... There will be a day when countries act on their responsibility to the human family… When states act on the universal jurisdiction they have to try and bring to justice those individuals who’ve commit offenses against all of humanity no matter where they're from or their official capacity... When states truly believe in the supreme sovereignty of human rights and justice… There will come a day... There must come a day...

GLOBAL PATRIOT: "WE DO IT ALL"

2008-03-26T00:11:00.003+02:00

"Global Container Lines (GCL) a worldwide leader in ocean transportation is proud to announce its US flag service. The multipurpose Ro-Lo vessel “Global Patriot” is at the service of all esteemed GCL customers. The vessel is ideally suited for carriage of rolling stock, containers, project cargo, heavy lifts, break bulk, and bulk cargo. The vessel will be primarily trading between the US Gulf, Red Sea, Persian Gulf, East Africa. All other destinations will be considered on inducement."

And as their motto states "We Do It All" the US-Navy chartered cargo ship has, no matter what all the reports from their side or our side say, shot and killed a man.... and because Americans are the de facto superior race, no one's gonna do jack shit about it.... and that's the bottom line...

What is interesting, but is not in this article or this article that report the story, is that I heard on Amr Adeeb's Al Qahera Al Youm (Cairo Today) and Al Ashera Masa'an (10 pm Show) is that the perpetrators were taken in for questioning by the local authorities - by the nyaba actually - AND TAKEN BACK AND BOARDED THEIR SHIP!

I just want to say that Egypt has all the right to arrest whoever opened fire because not only was the crime (yes a crime even if its just man slaughter) was committed against an Egyptian citizen and Egypt would have passive personality jurisdiction because the victim was Egyptian, the crime took place inside Egyptian territorial waters = which means on Egyptian territory, because the Suez Canal is inside Egypt...

If the American Government brainwashed Americans into believing their superior, why does the Egyptian government have to fucking brainwash all Egyptians into believing that they're only 3/5th human? Will the orphan children of the slain man ever see justice?

I guess this would be relevant too...

AMR KHALED'S DRUG AWARENESS CAMPAIGN - حملة حماية

2008-03-18T20:44:00.007+02:00

At last the very popular Amr Khaled does something, in my eyes, truly great, wide scale, and not exclusive to Islam or Muslims. A drug campaign supposedly covering the Middle East, called 'Hemaya', which literally translates to 'Protection' was launched only last week by the young and controversial evangelist. The campaign aims to get 5,000 addicts to begin treatment. I even heard Amr Khaled say on TV that their campaign is sponsored by several rehab centers and hospitals that treat addiction who all vowed to give a 50% discount to any addict starting treatment through the Hemaya campaign. Out of 10 Million addicts in the Middle East, 4 Million of them are in Egypt. That makes a little more than 5% of Egyptians addicts... and that's if these statistics accurately cover all addicts - and all Egyptians. Hemaya is doing a lot of publicity (and apparently spending a lot of money) to spread awareness about drugs. They even got Shaaban Abdel Rehim (out of all people) to make a 6 minute song warning the youth about using drugs... A song in which the great Shaabolla names Tamol, Tramadol, SR (Trama), Ultradol, Rohypnol, Tramondine, and a few other opiate based medicines that are sold illegally in pharmacies to be abused by addicts (nice list - shows how most of the above are really made by Egyptian companies, this one also provided by Al Malak Pharmacy) I wonder how the medicine companies may react to this though.

Since the campaign started and I've been seeing Amr Khaled on TV a lot speaking about the campaign. However, as an addict in recovery, I find myself at least compelled to comment and say my opinion about such a huge effort. Apparently a lot of youth are involved in this project, and they shall succeed in spreading the message of how drugs are 'bad' to people who already agree with them. But if they want to reach 5,000 addicts - who are still using - I doubt a veiled girl from the AUC Help Club can ever even catch the attention of a current drug user when the closest knowledge she has of drugs comes from books and Wikipedia. I really want this campaign to work and for more people to know about the disease and as a society fight against it. I don't know about other addicts, but these overtly virtuous goody two shoe'ed people freak me out and if I was still using I'd be scared to ask them directly for help out of fear of being judged and ridiculed actually - this is simply because I'd feel that, even though they're making gigantic efforts to openly speak about this specific ill of society, the volunteer youth are obviously devoted Amr Khaled fans who I bet you anything have never missed an episode of Al Janna Fi Beyoutena (Heaven in our Homes) and 3ala Khouta Al Habib (On The Path of the Beloved - a show where Amr Khaled emotionally tells the story of Prophet Mohamed) - and all that means that they are extremely religious - generally that would be okay, but when you're trying to target drug users and addicts and convince them of starting a treatment program, these volunteers seem like they have no experience at all dealing with or understanding drug users and their mentalities - and that may be the main problem in reaching their aim. Anyways - maybe if Hemaya was a bit more secular it would make a more successful attempt at actually reaching the twisted and disoriented minds of users, abusers, and addicts. I really believe that with just a few adjustments to the campaign themes and motifs of publicity and marketing this project can truly hit the nail on its head. I really may actually think of volunteering... but I'd be scared of all the stigma, cuz in the middle of all the veiled chicks - I will totally stand out as the ex druggie...

In any case, best of luck to Hemaya, really I hope their goals get reached and their plans achieved... HELL I'LL EVEN LINK TO THEM! YA RAB!

(check this link sent to me by my friend the Sudanese Thinker - who I thank - even though its late but I really just saw it today - WHAT TO DO TO HELP AN ADDICT/ALCOHOLIC)

و علي رأيك يا حج شعبولا

البيسة و حكاية البيسة - ده خراب و فقر و تدبيسه
بكرة العيال هاتموت من الجوع - صَدق اللي قال عليها خبيسه

و ايييييههه

TAKE THIS TEST - GET SOME INSIGHT

2008-03-04T10:58:00.000+02:00

You *Are* a Psycho Ex

You may not believe it, but there's a good chance you're being called a psycho behind your back.

While your ex may be scum, it's time to forget about him.

You're only doing yourself damage when you seek out revenge - even thinking about him is not good for you!

Are You a Psycho Ex-Girlfriend?

WOMAN APPOINTED TO PERFORM & REGISTER MARRIAGE

2008-02-27T00:56:00.006+02:00

After she was denied the right to minister marriages, the court overruled the decision, granting her the right to perform and register marriages, and thus becoming the first female ma2zoon (مأزون) in Egypt. Female judges, and now - female marriage ministers?? yay!!

عقبال ما الستات يدخلوا الشرطة والجيش والنيابة

lololololololeyyy!

VICTIM OF HONOR

2008-02-21T17:34:00.008+02:00

I know this incident is over a year old, but I just saw the video this week while researching honor killings for a paper I had to write for school. The night I encountered this video I couldn't sleep as the horrific images kept popping in my head. Especially that I saw this uncensored version first, before I saw the toned down CNN footage on YouTube. I WARN YOU, if you decide to download the 9min version in the afore mentioned link, of how graphic and horrible it is, please be over 18, and keep a bucket close by.

Honor Killings are just another way of how men have terrorized women across time, faith, and civilization. In addition to many other forms of violence, women were the ones to get the bigger share of transnational, transcultural, trans-religious oppression by the hands of men. Infanticide, FGM, Virginity Testing, Child Molestation and Abuse, Prostitution - and Child Prostitution, and discrimination. Discrimination against women covers all aspects of life. All these are only examples of ancient forms of abusing, exploiting, and oppressing women.

Dua Khalil Aswad, the 17-year old girl in the video, was ambushed by members of her own family and brutally murdered in front of what seemed like hundreds of people... Men, who stood by in oblivion, contributing to her death as much as the perpetrators who acted, a public that condoned her killing by not stopping it. Stripped of her clothes... her last breaths were exhausted as she tried to cover herself... last moments of her 17 year old life...were spent in hopeless attempts to save what pride she had left while being gang-killed by her own family...

Imagine her last thoughts... What she felt as this happened to her... She must have been scared shitless. The amount of fear...the horror... I wonder about these things... If at one point she tried to stop it? Did she, hysterically, at another point, try to plead for her life? We can hear her scream in the video. Did she know that was her end? Or did she have hope? Did she resist? Try to fight them off? Who tore off her clothes? she must have felt humiliated in a way none of us may have ever encountered. When she was brought down to the ground, were the desperate failed attempts she made to merely sit up actually attempts for her life? Were they that desperate strand of hope we hold on to when everything is obviously falling apart? The sarcastic unrealistic snickering type of wishful thinking that we desperately resort to to numb our sensations of reality and perceptions of truth, putting them under this anesthetic, the one called hope. It's human nature to always have that small part inside believe in anticipation, and that, no matter what or how bad things get, still aspires a solution. One of the words that annoy me – hope. Like drugs. But hope gets you through the hard times… like if you’re a 17 year old girl getting beaten in the head to death by a mob of men who stripped you naked. Hope, to me is a belief that perceives everything as solvable, and because everything is not, the belief may be delusional. I heard once that human beings are the only species that know their life will end. After how many broken bones did she actually realize that was it? After how much physical pain and how many blows from the cement blocks crashing into her skull did she lie down to die? Or did she consciously hope for death so the horror would end? What were her thoughts as her soul escaped her body? Did the humiliation she must have felt as her life ended, turn to bitterness of humans that carried on to her soul? Once her soul left her torn up body, could it remember any of its pain? Can Dua's soul remember what happened to her? I’d like to think that her soul perceives it as if it was all a dream.

I don't even understand whyyyy they decided to STONE her to death? Stoning of adulterers is a concept if Islamic Shari'a. And The girl and her family are Yazidi's from the Yazidi faith, and the reason she was killed is that she fell in love with a Muslim boy and/or converted whatever...

Stoning to death is supposedly the penalty for adultery in Islam. I did some research, sharia and sex, back to my favorite topic! Under Sharia, to be sentenced to death by stoning, (sorry, arabic link) you first must be convicted of committing adultery with someone while being married to someone else. This means that committing adultery while not married - mere fornication - is another separate shari'a offense - punished by 80 - 100 lashes, varies with mazhab. This brings us to the next point which is being incarcerated with adultery. First, to be convicted of adultery in Islam:

- Four male witnesses must witness the complete act of intercourse. Mazhabs have varied as to whether the 4 must bear witness at the same time together or separately. As far as I've researched, women are not allowed to testify in these cases, not even as substituting two women for one man.

- Four witnesses must be male, sane, free, and 'just' people... yaaawwwnnmm

-If less than 4 male witnesses accuse someone of adultery, they get charged with defamation and could get lashes, if the testimonies of the 4 witnesses do not match in every single detail regarding crime circumstances (when, where, etc), the 4 get lashed.

- For the death by stoning sentence, it has to be proven that the suspect is in a marriage which does not lack any of the Shari'a required conditions for marriage or a legally corrupt marriage. And we all know of course that in Shari'a bad/unsatisfactory/no sex constitutes grounds for divorce as failure to comply with shari'a's laws.

- The 4 witnesses must all witness clearly that intercourse is complete. That is if two people are having sex under the covers when they're caught by the 4 witnesses, it doesn't count, or if for example they're caught in 69 it wouldn't count.. So what if its anal? No - it has to be penis-vaginal intercourse - anal isn't adultery... I can just go on and on on this one...but I won't.

-So what if they're only outer-coursing? still wouldn't count... so how exactly do we know the difference? The four witnesses must simultaneously see the male's penis inside the female's vagina like a "feather pen inside an inkwell or like a rope inside a well" so they can incarcerate the suspect.

- The sentence of death by stoning requires a confession, accompanied by swearing to God 4 times that the suspect is guilty.

- If any of the conditions required from the witnesses are not fulfilled they will be flagged for defamation. If anyone accuses anyone of adultery and doesn't have the evidence required to prove it gets flagged as well.

- To be incarcerated, suspect must be an adult - passed puberty - so abused children don't count - must be sane - (yeah... prove that!) - and free - slaves get half the sentence (whatever that means if its stoning?!) and those who are forced - don't get punished - I really do not understand those people (like Saudi judges from Al Qatif) believe that getting raped is a crime.

So what is the result of all this? to criminalize an act then make it very difficult to legally prove? Nothing... People will abuse the authority, men will gang up against women,like always, since only men can testify, and women will be murdered randomly like in Talibanic Afghanistan, and arbitrarily like in Iran, for failing to comply with 'chastity' laws and 'moral' codes invented, codified, and enforced by men... and then we wonder why men never get blamed?

WALLAHI - I AM ALIVE & WELL...NO! GREAT!!

2008-02-21T16:28:00.003+02:00

I haven't been blogging for a while now, I know everybody gets scared when I don't blog, and the readers worry about me, but I would like to assure all of yous, I am just really really busy because I started School - I really wanna focus, this is my last semester after 6 looong years of college. Plus work, even tho I'm slacking off work these days, I have so much shit that I need to finish - ALL THE TIME. I'm doing alright, and I just wanna say a big fat THANK YOU, to everybody who asked about me and showed concern. I also want to apologize for leaving everybody on a suspicious note... ANYWAYS, Its all good these days...NO! IT IS GREAT!!